No
by nyccountry
Summary: She left! He can't believe that's it's all come to this. Find My Iphone proves he knows her better than Bracken. Rick reaches out for help to keep his marriage together.
1. No Chapter One

No

Chapter One

Rick stares at the door, the door where just three years before she had sworn she only wanted him. How she begged for his forgiveness. Four years he fought for her. Four years he followed her and stood beside her. He watched her die five years ago. The shrill sound of the smoke alarm brought him out of his anger. "How where they suppose to be married, a couple, partners, if she constantly shut him out and jumped feet first into the rabbit hole that consumed her after her mother's death. He didn't believe Bracken knew Kate better than he did. Blindly he turns and flips the switches of the burner he'd lost his appetite for food the moment she walked out on him.

He wants to gets rip roarin drunk, but the look on her face if she found him like that stops him. He wasn't going to be his father-in-law. Granted Jim had a viable reason for drowning himself in the bottle, but Kate wasn't dead. She was just running, like she always does when she feels cornered. And how many times was she going to do that. And how many times was he going to go running after her. It's not that he hates his propensity to devotion. It's the metaphor that is usually associated with him running after her that he dislikes. He isn't a lost puppy, chasing down his owner. He is devoted and he loves her as much as he loves his mother and Alexis. It's just that why can she not have the same devotion to him.

On autopilot, he walks across the living room to his loft. Walking over to his desk, he pulls his phone from his pocket. He has no idea whom he's going to call or if even he wants to call anyone. He's not thinking about his writing or that she's his muse or how her walking out will affect Nikki and Rook. He simply wants to be back in his kitchen an hour before, cooking his wife a smorlette and maybe they would cuddle up on the couch together. He's not even thinking about sex. He just wants his wife back and the world to be bright again.

After the packed up her place, Kate had listed the apartment to be sublet. Fortunately the last tenant had moved out about a week ago. She knew the place was empty but she couldn't face going there. While there were mixed memories at the apartment for her and Rick, she just didn't want to go back there. She felt like she would be taking one giant step in reverse and that thought made her pause. Wasn't she already doing that, she left him. For no other reason than, she felt responsible for the deaths of her team because of the search she had done, looking to find her mother's killer. All of this ran through her mind as she rode the elevator down to the lobby.

Reaching for his phone, he thumbs across the screen and enters his pass code. Going into his settings, he finds the find my Iphone feature. He linked their accounts after he was found last fall. They talked about it and agreed that they needed to be able to find each other at anytime considering their line of work, or more Kate's line of work. Clicking on the screen he waits for the feature to search for her. He isn't strictly stalking her, he told himself. He simply wanted to make sure she was safe. It was because of this last case, that's why he was looking to see if his wife is still alive and in a safe place. He pushes the thought away that if she had stayed with him, he wouldn't have to do this. He would know she's safe because she would be right there beside him.

Finally the screen pops up and he stares at the screen. She's downstairs. She never left the building. Sitting back, he stares at the phone. When Keera left him, she went to England. She had wanted him to follow her. Was he going to do that again? Let the woman he loves leave because he is too proud to go after her. But then again, he has been going after Kate for eight years now. How much longer would he do that? Reaching for his rarely used home phone, he dials Kevin's number. For a moment he thought that maybe he should call Espo for this, but Ryan is always a little easier to convince to go outside the line of police protocol. And he could make Ryan trust him without too much explanation as to what is really going on and this would require some explanation. After a couple rings, Ryan picks up. "Hello." He says, in the background he can hear a lot of noise.

"Hey Ryan, it's me. Are you busy?" Rick says.

"No, just out with Javi, celebrating the end of this case. You and Beckett want to come join us."

Rick pauses for a moment but not long enough for Kevin to question the silence. "No, I think we'll stay in tonight." He says, hoping his voice sounds normal. And he assumes that it does because Kevin doesn't question him.

"Alright, that's cool. What did you need?" He pauses again. This time it's for a longer period. It's long enough for Kevin to question if the call dropped. He's about to check when Rick says. "I need to know if you would know or be able to find out what Dr. Burke's number is, his after hours number."

"Are you and Beck… the captain okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine." Rick sighs before he puts it all on him. "I want to talk to him about this case and…" He swallows. "…how Kate just left me in the dark. I'm still a little upset about that and…." He trails off.

"I don't know it right off the top of my head Castle. Can it wait till tomorrow?"

He glances at his phone. Her phone still shows that it's in the lobby. "Actually no, I need now."

"Alright, give me time and I'll call you back." Kevin says.

"Thanks Ryan." He says, still staring at his phone. He feels tears start to well up. Maybe he could save this marriage yet. "Just call this number when you call back." He says. He doesn't want to stop the app for any reason.

"Alright." Kevin says. "I'll call you back."

"Thanks again Ryan." Rick says before he hangs up.

Kevin looks at Javi. "Who was that?" Javi asks

"Castle, he needs me to find out some information for him. He said it can't wait till tomorrow."

"What kind of information?" Javi asks.

"I don't know that he would want me to tell you actually. Just hang out here and I'll be back." Kevin says as he stands up.

"Ryan…."

"I'll be back and we'll go another round." Kevin says, slipping past him and through the crowd hanging around the bar at the Old Haunt. Once he's outside, he moves out of the way of some people coming into the bar as he scrolls through his contacts until he finds the person he's looking for. Pushing the contact, he leans back against the building while he waits for his contact to answer.

After three rings, she picks up. "Hello?"

"Hallie, it's Kevin."

"Ryan, why are you calling me a nearly eleven o'clock at night?"

"I know it's a little late, but can you get some information for me. I need it for a friend actually."

"What do you need?"

"I need the emergency number for Dr. Burke."

"Dr Burke."

"It's for a friend."

"Are you sure? You're not in trouble are you?'

"No, I'm fine. Really it's for a friend." Kevin says. "So can you get the number?"

"I'm going to office. You're lucky you called now. I was on my way to bed and some nice relaxing alone time with a certain detective."

"How's Demming?"

"Oh, he's great, just finished a major case."

"Yeah, we did too."

"Heard about that one, your captain was involved. She's okay?"

"Yeah, she's good."

"Good. Alright, I'm logging in." Hallie says

"Can you text me that number?" He asks.

"Sure." She says, as she looks up the information. When she has it, she reaches for her cell phone and sends the text. "Alright, I just sent it." She says, as he hears his text notification come through.

"Thanks Hallie, Tell Demming I said hi."

"Will do, talk to you later Kevin."

"Sure." They hang up. Opening up his messages, he opens Hallie's text and then forwards it to Castle with a note. "Hey I know I said I'd call back but I thought this would be easier, got this from a contact at 1PP, didn't tell her who it was for. Are you sure you and the Captain are okay?" He sends the message and then goes back into the bar. Javi is still waiting for him. "Alright, this is the last round, I gotta get home to Jenny." Kevin says, walking up. Javi looks at him and then nods. They reset the dart board and Kevin goes first.

Ten minutes later, Rick is still sitting at his desk staring at his phone when he gets a text notification. Picking up the phone he reads the message that flashes. He grabs his home phone and quickly dials the number Kevin forwarded him before the screen goes black. After a couple rings, a very soft spoken man answers. "Hello, this is Dr. Burke." His tone is a bit hesitant.

"Dr. Burke, this is Richard Castle. I'm sorry to bother you this late. I'm not sure you know who…."

"You're Kate's husband. How is she? I heard that she made Captain of the 12th."

"That's true and I think she's in a bit of crisis Dr. Burke."

"What happened?"

"It's really a lot to get into over the phone. I know it's late but I was wondering if you could speak with us and emergency session if you will."

"Rick, I'm her doctor."

"I need you, please. Please, I'll pay you triple what 1PP pays you, just help me."

"I'll be in my office within the hour. Can you be there then?"

"We will be." Rick says, glancing at his phone. It still shows that her phone is in the lobby downstairs.

"I will see you both then."

"Thank you, Dr. Burke." He says, hanging up. Grabbing his cell phone, he walks to the door. He grabs his keys off the table. He slips into his pocket with his phone as he opens the door. "Mother." He says, coming up short.

"Hello darling." Martha says, as she looks up. Seeing his face for the first time, she stops. "Is everything okay?"

"Mother, I don't really have time to talk right now. I promise I'll explain everything to you as soon as I take care of this." He says, brushing past her.

Now that Kate's apartment was open, Rick had thought about asking her if she would mind letting Martha take it. It would give them more privacy. Alexis was still there, but her room was upstairs. And if he had to he would soundproof the ceiling between the upper and lower floors of the loft. He's thinking about that as he walks down the hall towards the elevators. He didn't think to stop and ask Martha if she saw Kate downstairs.

Pushing the button for the elevator, he steps back. Martha is still in the door way watching him and he's not his usual jovial or impatient self as he stands there. His head is bowed and his shoulders are slumped but look like they're full of tension as well. As the doors open, and he steps on, she slips back so that he won't catch her watching him. Something happened tonight and from the look on his face and how he looks at the elevator it was something bad. Pulling out her phone, she pulls up Kate's number and dials it.

In the lobby, Kate feels her phone going off in her pocket. She didn't want to talk to anybody so she ignores the call and lets it go to voicemail. She's sitting behind the security desk, next to Eduardo. She wouldn't let him call Rick to tell him that she was down there. She really meant to leave she is gathering her courage to actually walk through the doors to the street.

Impatiently, Rick is staring up at the ceiling of the elevator, watching the floors go by and hoping that the elevator doesn't stop on one of the lower floors. He didn't want to take the chance that in the time that the elevator stopped Kate would decide to leave. He releases the breath he's holding in a deep sigh when he reaches the lobby. As he steps off the elevator he catches Eduardo's eyes. He knows that's he's right, she didn't actually leave, which makes him feel just slightly better, but he's still angry that she would walk out in the first place, on top of the lying to him about the case.

She's halfway aware of Eduardo lifting the counter to let someone in to the security area. And she hears him whisper. "She wouldn't let me call you." Rick nods and Eduard slips out and walks quietly across the lobby. Rick clears his throat and the gets Kate's attention. She looks up. She feels a punch in her stomach, seeing him standing there. "I…."

"No, you don't get to say anything Kate. Come with me." Rick says, turning away from her.

"Come with you, Castle!"

"I'm not saying anything right now. Come on." He says, lifting the counter and stepping through. He stands to the side and waits for her to get up. She sits there for a moment, watching him. She wanted to argue with him to make him see it's best if… "Kate I will pick you up and I will carry you out." He says, staring at her.

Slowly she stands up. She walks over to him. He lets her go before him as he closes the counter. When they reach the door to the lobby, Eduardo opens it for them. Outside there's a cab waiting for them. Reaching into his pocket, Rick pulls out some cash and slips it into Eduardo's hand. Closing his hand around it, Rick looks the man in the eye and then opens the door on the cab for Kate. Once she's inside, he follows her closing the door behind them. Kate sucks in a breath when she hears the address. He hears her but doesn't acknowledge her reaction.


	2. No Chapter Two

Dr. Burke is waiting at the front door when they arrive. He can see the tension between them. He's never seen them together, but instinctively he knows that this isn't their normal behavior. Kate has her head down. She's playing with her fingers. That itself is an indication that something isn't right. Kate never looks defeated, ever. Rick is the only one that's ever seen her look like she does now. He's not sure what Rick's natural stance is, but from what Kate has told him. He can assume that he never walks that stiff, like a Sunday shirt with too much starch.

Once they're inside, they follow him up to his office. The elevator ride is silent and they are still standing at least a foot apart from each other. They follow him down the hallway to his office. He pauses to unlock the door and then opens it for them to walk through. Closing it behind him, he pauses again to reset the alarm and then he motions them through to his office. They follow him. Each of them making sure to stay far enough away from each other that there's no possible way they could touch. He close the door behind them, Rick looks around the office. Seeing for the first time where Kate had come to make herself better. So they could be together. All that time and fight has come down to this, she's running again.

Kate settles into her usual chair. Rick looks at her and then chooses to sit on the couch across from both of them. Dr. Burke settles into his chair. For several moments there's silence before Dr. Burke says. "Rick, you called me for this. Can you tell me what's going on?"

He's looking at Kate when he speaks. "She's running again and she knows it's not right. She knows what she wants, but she's scared." Kate's head snaps up.

"I'm not running."

"You're not. Then explain to me why you've spent the last three hours, since you walked out of the loft, out on me, in the lobby of our building."

"I'm protecting…."

"Bullshit Kate, you're scared. You're grieving and for whatever is going on in your head, you think this last case was your fault."

"It was my fault!" She cries.

"No, it's the son of a bitch's fault that's trying to cover his own ass." Rick exclaims.

"Okay, let's calm down."

"I'm not even…."

Kate sat there and really looks at him, looks at him like she's never really looked at him when these issues come up. Oh she's paid lip service to understand how he felt these past eight years, struggling, scratching and clawing for whatever part of herself she would give him, deem his worthy of having.

"Rick, may I call you…?" Kate tunes back into what Dr. Burke is saying

"That's fine."

"Okay, you say she's running. Would you tell what happened that makes you believe she's doing that?"

Sighing, Rick glances at her. She gives a nod. She wants to hear this time, really hear him when he tells the story. "It started the day she was to take over her Captaincy at the 12th. We woke up that day, and I had a surprise for her so I baked her a large cupcake."

"It was pretty big." Kate says, as both men glance at her.

"Inside the cupcake was a jewelry box with a platinum bracelet, with a series of diamond chips set in it. I had the word always engraved inside it. That's always been our word. It stands for everything we've gone through and everything that's to come. It means that we'll always be by each other's side. Anyway, while I was giving her the cupcake, she got a phone call and she asked me to get it because she had icing all over her hands. So I did and I gave her a tissue to wipe her hands off.

I gave her the phone after the caller asked for her and while she was talking. I tried to make a basket with the tissue. I didn't make I glanced back to see if she saw. She was involved with her call, so I sort of snuck over and picked it up and when I came back she was telling the person on the other line that she wasn't interested and then she hung up. She said something about there needing to be stricter laws about telemarketers and I mention that she could've done that if she'd run for senate. We had a brief discussion about her choosing not to run and taking the Captain's exam. And again I reassured her, that this was what was right for us. She left then, saying she had a meeting at 1PP."

"What happened after Kate left?"

"I went to my PI office. I had it remodeled and I wanted to see the changes. Alexis was there. It was a bit of shock but that's nothing compared to the shock I felt when I found out she lied to me."

"How did she lie to you?"

"Ryan and Espo caught a case. Espo called me to see if I knew where Kate was. And I told him she was supposes to be at 1PP. They told me about the case and asked me if I wanted to help them with it. I told him I would be by. When I got to the address Espo texted me, there were three dead bodies and while we were working the scene, I found the bracelet that I had given her. We started tracking the case and I followed Kate to the prison where she had gone to speak with Senator Bracken." Dr. Burke looks at Kate.

"Kate?" He asks.

"He was the only one I knew of that could explain what was going on." She says, still watching Castle.

"So this case involves the former senator that ordered the hit on your mother." Dr. Burke says, while Kate closes her eyes. Knowing what the statement meant.

"It's not like you think. He wasn't coming after…."

"He wasn't coming after you but you still refused to tell Rick what was going on. You lied to him."

"I was given the highest possible distress code an agent could give when I spoke with Vikgar that moving. I couldn't just ignore that."

"You're not an agent, Kate. You haven't been an agent for three years." Rick spits out, his jaw clenched.

"And if I got a distress call from Espo or Ryan would you want me to ignore that?"

"Of course not, I expect you to trust me, tell me what's going on. You looked me right in the eye and you lied to me. I thought you were safe, in a meeting at 1PP, and then I found the bracelet that I just gave you lying in a pool of your blood. I had no idea what was going on? Why you were there? All I knew was that you were hurt."

"And I had no idea where you were for eight weeks, six of which you can't explain because you don't remember what happened."

"And I had three months of waiting, hoping…."

"Okay, let's step back. This isn't going to help. You've both disappeared on each other." Dr. Burke says

"No, let him say it." Kate says, looking at him. "He's told me, but I don't think I've ever really felt what he felt that summer." Kate says, looking at him. He looks at her.

He's silent for a moment. Taking a slow breath to get control of his emotions "Kate, I watched you die that day in the ambulance. And when I came to the hospital, I was so hopeful and then you told me you needed sometime. I guess I should've guessed that, considering what I told you and what had just happened, but I had finally gotten the courage to tell you how I felt. I didn't think about Josh, or how you would feel after the surgery or what had happened. I was hoping you would be there. And when you said you needed some time, I was disappointed but as I walked out of that room. I understood why. I waited for three months for you to call and I guess after the first couple weeks I thought you had made your decision. You were choosing to ignore what I had said and continue with Josh. That was…." He pauses for a moment before he sighs. "I was angry about all of it."

"Are you still angry Rick?" Dr. Burke asks. He looks at the doctor.

"I… I'm angry about the fact that you hide from me. You did it then and you're doing it now. We're supposes to be partners, married and a couple and you hide from me. I'm your husband. I should be the first one she turns to but I'm not. You push me away Kate, and I don't get it. I don't get why you think every disaster that comes your way is your fault."

"I don't think that. But my whole AG team was killed because I did a search looking for similarities of kills related to Bracken."

"You were still working your mother's case. We both were. I would've been surprised if you hadn't've done a search on Bracken when you were in DC. But what I don't understand is why you think you have to go titling at windmills every time something comes up that involves your mother's case. He was caught Kate. She had justice. Why is your first instinct to hide from me and go head strong into something when you have no idea what is happening. He gave you a distress code. You couldn't've told me that."

"Kate?" Dr. Burke asks.

"He said if I brought anyone else into it they would die."

"And you took that at face value. He gave you a distress code, I do get that Kate. But look at how all of this turned out, we're both alive. Vikgar is alive. And it is not your personal responsibility to find the culprit for everything related to William H. Bracken. Why can't you let it go?"

"Kate." Dr. Burke asks after she doesn't reply.

"I don't know."

"Kate."

"I know you don't like that answer Dr. Burke. You say there's a reason for everything. But I don't know why? I feel responsible, just like I would feel responsible if Rick, Martha, Alexis, Espo, Ryan, Lanie or my dad were hurt or killed because of my mom's case. I did a search on Bracken while I was at the AG's office. I never got a hit. I completely forgot about the search because it didn't bring anything up."

"So if you forgot about it, how is your team's death your fault. Because you couldn't remember a search you did that gave you no information." Rick says. "How many searches have you done through out your career that yielded no information helpful to the case you were working, Kate?"

"There's no way to of… I have no idea."

"So if one of those searches contributed to a murder would you feel responsible for that person's death." She looks at him. "You left me tonight. In your way of protecting me, I understand that. But did you ever stop to think that the best way to protect me is to simply let it go. Let the people trained to find this stuff out, let them do it."

"I'm trained…."

"No Kate, you're not. Not for what that case was involved with. You said that you hoped that after you finished this that I would be able to forgive you for leaving. I won't Kate."

"Rick, it's not beneficial to threaten."

"I'm not threatening. I'm answering her question. You walked away from me tonight. You put this obsession you have with anything pertaining to your mother before me and I'm through. If you really want to choose that over us, then I can't do this anymore."

"Rick…."

"No Kate, I think you know what you want. That's why you spent three hours sitting at the security desk of our building. You know you want me. You want our life. My question is, can you let go of the control and let someone else tilt at windmills and simply be my wife, the future mother of our kids, Alexis step-mother, Martha's daughter-in-law, your dad's daughter, Ryan and Espo's captain and Lanie's friend. Can you do that Kate?"

There is a long moment of silence with Rick staring into Kate's eyes. Hoping she wouldn't turn her back on him. The last time he made this ultimatum, she ended up hanging off the side of a building and almost dying. Silent he prays. "Please let her learn from those mistakes. Choose me Kate, choose us."

"Kate." Dr. Burke props quietly.

Reaching up, she wipes at her eyes. She hadn't realized she was crying. "They're dead because of… Rick." She says softly.

He's up in and instant, gathering her into his arms. "Shhh love, it's okay." He says, holding onto her.

"They're all dead because…."

"They're dead because someone is trying to cover themselves. You didn't know that search would lead to this, you know that." He says, pulling her in tighter.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Rick. I walked away. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was faced with finding a place to go. I thought about my apartment but that felt like a giant step backwards and then it hit me, I left. And how is that not a giant step backwards as well. Eduardo found me standing in the middle of the lobby. I was crying, but I couldn't tell him what was wrong, only that you were okay and upstairs."

"Let's sit down." Rick says, leading her over to the couch. They sit down. "It's okay. Or it will be okay." He says, stroking her hair while she clings to him.

"He led me over to the security desk. I know I'm not supposes to be behind it, but I couldn't let him call you. I was afraid of you turning your back on me. I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me, not now." He says, looking at Dr. Burke.

For several seconds, he holds her, stroking her hair, while she cries. On occasion he would tell her "It will be okay."

When she settles down, she looks up at him. "I love you Rick."

"I love you too Kate." He says, gently caressing her cheek. She settles back against him. And he looks at Dr. Burke. "Thank you for coming."

"You're welcome. But I think both of you need to continue seeing someone. Kate, I can schedule you another appointment for later in the week." Kate looks at him and nods. "I go do that then." He says, moving to get up.

"Dr. Burke, you can schedule one for me as well." Rick says quietly.

"I will." He says, getting up to leave.

Once he's out of the building, Rick holds her for a little while longer before he asks. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes." She says, looking up.

He releases her. Holding onto her hand as she gets up and then he follows hers. Taking her hand again, he leads her out of the office. Dr. Burke is at the receptionist's desk, holding to cards. He looks at both of them. "I have no issue with seeing both of you but you both need to understand that each session is confidential and I will not discuss it with either of you. Is that understood?"

"Yes." They both reply.

"Okay." He says, handing them the two cards.

"Thank you again Dr. Burke." Rick says, and Kate turns to leave. "Kate can you give me moment to speak with Dr. Burke?"

"Sure, I'll be in the hall."

"Okay." She leaves the waiting room. Castle turns to Dr. Burke. "I told you on the phone I would pay you triple what 1PP pays you…."

"I'll consider this your first session Rick. When you come in for your first appointment, we'll work out the payment, Okay."

"That's fine. Thank you again." Rick says, holding his hand out. They shake hands and then Rick leaves. He finds Kate waiting like she said and they leave together.

A/N: Okay some of you may have already read this story. I went back and deleted the original posting and reposted it under this because I didn't like that I included the Chapter numbers in the title of the story (it's a little OCD, I know) The one's that have read the first posting stated that maybe I should carry this on. If I do that, I'll need someone to help me with the sessions for Rick and Kate w/Dr. Burke. So if you're interested in helping me, PM me and we'll talk... But before I carry this one on, I'll finish my first story Southern Heat so it might be a bit before a new chapter is posted...


	3. No Chapter Three

No

Chapter Three

Martha stood in the entryway, staring at the closed door for several minutes after Richard rushed out with no concrete explanation as to what was going on. Once she realizes that he's not coming back she turns and walks into the kitchen only to discover the unfinished dinner Rick was preparing when Kate left. Though she officially moved out of the loft several months ago, she stops by from time to time to check up on them. Especially now that Alexis is so busy with her own life. Apparently judging by the way things are here, she hasn't stopped by often enough. Opening a bottle of wine, she pours herself a glass before she goes to explore more of the loft. Hoping that she'll be able to find more clues as to what is going on.

The drive back to the loft is quiet. On one hand neither of them wants to break the fragile truce made because of Dr. Burke. But on the other hand both of them know they need to talk. Kate knows that she hurt him the moment he looked up and saw that bag in her hand. She didn't have to say a word to bring all the insecurities and doubt back to him. And yet she had said those words and she did walk out the door of their home, even if she couldn't leave the building. And how did they recover from that she didn't know.

On Rick's side of things, he knows her. Knows she's willing to sacrifice herself for justice, he just doesn't quite understand why she believes she has to be alone to get justice and why she believes that she's the only one able to get justice for anything related to her mother's case. Why does she take on that pain and guilt? Maybe those are questions Dr. Burke can help them with, but he knows that if his marriage is going to last, he has to find a way to accept everything about her.

For New York City, traffic is remarkably light and the ride back to the loft takes half the time it took for them to get to Burke's office. They're so caught up in their own thoughts they don't notice where they are until the cab pulls up in front of their building. Fishing his wallet out of his pocket, he hands the fare to the cabby along with a generous tip before he opens the door and gets out. Turning he helps her from the cab and then immediately drops her hand as he closes the door. She notices, notices how he's stiff beside her, how he keeps himself apart from her. He's a different man from the one that came home with just a few hours before. And she knows that he's only protecting himself for her and that hurts her.

They walk beside each other and he's still the gentleman that Martha raised him to be. He holds the door for her but his hand doesn't brush against the small of her back as she walks past him and it hurts her, hurts her to know that she did this to him. Once they're inside the lobby, Kate stops and looks around. "I wonder where Eduardo is." She says quietly.

He pauses and looks around but then shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the elevator. He pushes the button for the elevator and turns to her but she's not beside him. He looks around and finds her standing just inside the lobby door. He walks back over to her. "Kate?" He asks, and she hears the doubt and fear hidden behind his unasked question.

"I need to get my bag. I left it behind the…." He turns and walks over to security desk. Reaching over the counter, he finds the button underneath and presses it as she walks over to him. Hearing the buzz, she watches him lift the gate and goes behind the counter. Grabbing her bag, he puts it on the counter before he closes the gate. "Thank you, but I'm sure you're not actually supposes to do that." She says, as he shrugs again.

"Only a few of us know about the buzzer." He says, as they cross the lobby and he pushes the button again. The doors open immediately and he follows her onto the elevator. Pressing the number for their floor, he settles beside her but again he doesn't touch her as he normally would.

Hearing the door open, Martha turns from Rick's office and walks across the living room to the area between the entryway and kitchen. "Richard what is going on? You rush out of here like you're both on a case. I find a half cooked meal in the kitchen. Richard, Katherine, is everything alright?"

"We're… I thought you had a function this evening Mother?" Richard says, brushing past her and going into the kitchen. "You found the meal but couldn't put it away."

Kate stands just inside the door with her bag still in her hand. She can hear the bite in his voice but she doesn't say anything. Martha turns to her and sees the bag for the first time. "Kate, why do you have a bag? Are you leaving? Do you have a case? Did Richard do…?"

"Why do you assume that it's me that's done something?" Richard snaps, and then sighs as Martha looks at him. "I'm sorry Mother. It's just… It's just that it's been a long and stressful couple of days."

"I know. But I thought the case was solved."

"Not… I'm going to shower. We're fine mother." Richard says, walking over to kiss her cheek before he whispers. "I'm sorry I snapped."

She looks into his eyes and she sees the pain he's trying to hide from her. She recognizes that pain and she's only seen in his eyes two other times. "I came to check on you both before I go to the Hampton's with some friends. I can stay if…."

"No, please go. We're fine." He says, hugging her. When he lets her go, he says. "I'm going to shower."

She watches him as he walks through the living room and into his office before she turns to Kate. "Katherine."

"Martha, I'm sorry. That wasn't about you or anything that you said."

"Katherine, why do you have a bag with you?"

Kate takes a moment and walks into the kitchen with Martha following her. Martha slips onto a barstool. Placing the bag next to her, Kate walks around to the food still sitting untouched on the stove. She takes a moment to look at it before taking everything and dumping into the disposal. She turns it on and Martha waits her out. When she turns the disposal off Kate turns to face her mother-in-law.

The silence stretches between them. Martha is curious and Kate is nervous. She's seen anger from Alexis. She's expected many times for her and from Martha as well for the way she always pushed Rick away but every time Martha has always made her feel accepted, and never judged. Tonight, she's not sure that will be the case. "Kate, are you and Rick splitting…?"

"No, no we're not splitting up. At least I hope we're not." She mutters sighing softly as she sets the bag on to the counter before she takes the now empty barstool beside Martha.

"Kate?"

"This is my fault. The bag is my fault. Cas… Rick didn't do anything. Please understand that."

"Okay. So why did he go rushing out of here and why do you even have a bag with you in the first place?" Kate takes another breath as she glances towards his office. A part of her is like a little kid that doesn't want the trip back home to end because they know that when it does they will be in trouble. She sighs again. "Kate."

"It all has to do with the case we just worked." Kate says, as Martha nods. "I'm not sure how much Rick explained to you and Alexis about what happened and why I was missing." She stops and then she gets up and walks around the counter again. She goes to the refrigerator and gets a bottle of water. A part of her also wants a shot of scotch or bourbon or vodka, anything to take the edge off this conversation.

"He told me enough to know that it has to do with your mother's case."

"That's right. It does or did. While I was at the AG's office, I did a search on Senator Bracken and any ties to other cases using the same MO that was used in my mother's killing and the death of her colleagues." Kate says, as Martha looks at her.

"You knew then that he was the one behind…."

"Yes, I…we knew within a few days after I went back from my suspension when Rick and I got together."

"Why didn't you arrest him then?"

"I…we didn't have any solid proof that he was the one that ordered the hit on my Mom. Anyway, I knew he was the one that ordered the hit. But all the evidence that Montgomery used to keep me safe was destroyed. We had bit and pieces and Rick, the boys and I spent an evening trying to piece it all back together. But that would've taken us ages. However, we found out enough to allow me to make a deal with Bracken. And then I got the job at the AG's office and I had to see if I could find any solid proof connecting Bracken to my mom's hit or any other deaths for that matter, so I ran the search and it came back empty so I put it out of my head until the other morning when a low level tech from the AG's office called me and gave me the code for an agent in deadly trouble. He told me to come alone and to tell no one where I was going. So I lied and I told Rick that I had a meeting 1PP and I left. It was…" She touches her wrist.

"It was right after he'd given me this incredibly gorgeous bracelet. I had it on when I left and when we were attacked in that theatre I left it there for the boys or Lanie or Rick, just hoping someone would find it and they would know that I was in trouble. Over these last two days, that's what we've been doing, searching for the people that killed my team from the AG's office and then sent teams after Vikram and I." Kate pauses and takes a drink. She knows the next part might be hard for Martha to hear, but she supposes that she needs to tell them. She puts the water bottle down again and then says. "While we were hiding out, we went to a warehouse that was just recently busted. We thought we were safe. It wasn't even on the NYPD books yet. But some how they found us and we were sure to die until a lady came. She killed them all and helped us escape. She took us to a safe house. It gave us a chance to relax and maybe plan on what to do next." Kate laughs ruefully as she thinks about Rick's step mom's solution not being much different than what she tried to do earlier.

"What's funny?" Martha asks.

"It's not… it's more ironic than funny really. Her suggestion was for me to run, leave New York, and leave everyone including Rick behind until they were able to track down the man or men behind Senator Bracken because he wasn't working alone. That was the whole poi nt of this. The attacks that killed McCord and my team, the teams that came after Vikram and myself, that was planned by someone that controlled Bracken."

"Do you know who he or they are?"

"No." Kate says.

"Why do I believe that you have an idea?"

"Martha, what we've been able to uncover, if I told you it would put you in extreme danger. That's part of the reason I did what I did tonight." Kate pauses. She's not sure how to continue this story.

"There's more to the story. You said that the case was wrapped up."

"Yes, it is."

"But you don't believe you found the culprit behind everything, do you?" Martha asks, but Kate doesn't answer. "Alright, it's more than I need to know. Tell me what happened tonight."

Kate sighs. "After the case wrapped, I met with the lady that rescued Vikram and I from the warehouse. We talked things over and she suggested that I let everything go and accept the outcome of the case, even though she could see that I was struggling with it. She told me that from this point on, if any more blood was split it would be on my hands and to come home to Rick and let her and her colleagues chase after the truth."

"Do you know who this woman was? She sounds very wise."

Kate opens her mouth to answer and then closes it. "I should've told both of you immediately." Kate says quietly, looking down

"Kate?"

"The woman that rescued us, she said...she said she was Rick's step mother." Kate looks up. "Martha, I'm sorry. I know that you once… or maybe you still have feelings for…."

"No Kate no, any feelings I had for Richard's father left me years ago. And that fiasco with the library proved it to me. I had one night with the man and while he gave me the greatest gift I've ever been given. Gratefulness is the extent of my feelings for the man that was here all those months ago. So the case is wrapped up and you spoke to Rick's step mother and she tells you let it go and live your life with Rick. How does that tie in to Rick rushing out of here the moment I arrive and then you both returning with you caring this bag."

"After Rita left, that's her name. After she left, we came back to the loft. Rick started on dinner and I went to shower and relax. But I kept thinking about my team and how they're dead because of me, because of the search I ran. I'm responsible for their deaths."

"No, you're not." Martha says, reaching for Kate's hand.

"My search caused..."

"You were doing your job when you performed that search."

"Not technically, I wasn't on an official case."

"Yes you were. It may not have been ordered by your superiors but it was ordered by a higher calling. You needed justice for your mother. Just as you needed justice for your team and this is why you lied to Richard about the meeting."

Kate's quiet for a moment before she looks down at her wedding ring. "I was going to leave him." Kate says quietly.


	4. No Chapter Four

No

Chapter Four

"I was going to pursue the man or men behind Bracken with the help of Vikram. That's why I have the bag. After I finished my shower I kept thinking that my team's deaths were my fault. And that I should've known that Bracken couldn't've put his organization together without having some powerful and rich backers. He was tricky but he wasn't intelligent enough to mastermind everything that he did." Kate looks down at her ring. There's a long silence before she says. "I'm not sure I deserve to wear this anymore." She says, holding up her left hand.

"Of course you still deserve to wear that ring. You still love him and he most definitely loves you." Martha says, taking her hand. Kate sighs as she looks up. "This all isn't going to be settled tonight and I know that both of you have been emotionally raw for the last couple days. But with time and when the stress level goes down and air clears this won't seem as serious as you not deserving to wear his ring. I'll stay for tonight okay." Martha says, moving off the barstool. Kate follows her. Martha pulls her into a hug. Releasing each other, Martha takes a step back. "I'll be in my old room, okay." Kate nods.

Martha's a few steps away when Kate asks. "Martha, why aren't you mad? You should be yelling at me for hurting him."

Turning around, Martha looks at her. "Oh kiddo, I've never been the type to yell over something that's already been done." She walks over to Kate again. "Am I disappointed? Yes, I am." Martha says, looking at her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I was just trying to protect…." Kate reaches up and wipes her eyes. She realizes that all the excuses and reasons she gives can't take away from the fact that she did hurt him.

"I know. Get some rest okay." She says, as Kate nods. "I'll see you both before I leave in the morning."

"Thank you, Martha."

"You're welcome kiddo." She says, turning away from her. Kate watches as she walks up the stairs. Once she disappears, Kate picks up her bag off the counter and turns for Rick's office. She stands there alone. She's not sure if she's welcome in their room or should she follow Martha and sleep in the guest bedroom. She looks at the stairs but she just can't bring herself to go up there. Turning she walks quietly over to his office. Walking in, she looks towards their bedroom and notices that the light is off. Sighing she looks at the couch that's next to the wall beside Rick's desk.

Taking in a deep breath, she walks slowly over to the door. She pushes it open and then steps inside. She glances over and can make out Rick's shape. He has his back to the door. She can't tell if he's asleep or if he's only laying there waiting for her to come to bed. She goes into the closet and puts her bag down. She closes the closet door before flipping on the light inside in case he is asleep.

Opening the bag, she looks inside and then just stands there with her eyes closed. She's so tired but she doesn't want Rick to wake up in the morning to find this bag still packed. Taking a deep breath, she begins pulling everything out and putting it away. It doesn't really take that long because she hadn't really packed that much. Once it's unpacked, she takes out a clean t-shirt and yoga pants. Walking over to the door, she flips the light off before she opens the door. She goes into the bathroom, closing that door before she turns that light on. She wants a shower, but she doesn't want to bother Rick if he's sleeping. Settling for washing her face and brushing her teeth, she undresses and puts everything into the hamper before she pulls on her yoga pants and t-shirt. She quickly runs a brush through her hair before she looks in the mirror.

She's frozen for a moment as she stares at the differences between the woman staring back at her now and the one that was here just a couple days before. She swallows hard and then pads over to door. Again she turns the light off before she opens the door. She pauses for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness.

Rick is still lying on his side, facing her side of the bed but he doesn't say anything. For a few seconds she stands in the doorway, waiting. When it's obvious that he's not going to say anything, she pushes away from the door and walks towards the bedroom door. Slipping through, she walks over to the couch and settles down. Reaching for the blanket he keeps on the back just for her when she's reading and falls asleep while he's writing.

Lying against the cushion at the end of the couch, she spreads the blanket over her. Rolling to her side, she lays her arm over her stomach like Rick would do. But she feels none of the warmth, the safety and love that she feels each time he draws her back against his chest. Closing her eyes, she swallows against the hard lump in her throat.

Rick knew the moment Kate entered their bedroom. He hadn't moved or acknowledged her as she went about getting ready for bed. He wasn't even sure how he wanted that to play out. Did he want her with him? Did she want to be with him? Apart of him wanted to try and convince himself that it was all a very bad nightmare and that he would wake up and it would be two days ago. Kate would be getting up in the morning to start her Captaincy. He would be there to send her off after he gave her the bracelet of course. He wouldn't go to the precinct like he did, but he had his writing and the PI business and he wished that was the only problems they had to face, living without being with each other at the precinct. Sighing, he rolls to his other side. Facing the door, he's waiting for Kate to come back in. Lying there waiting the exhaustion of the last few days washes over him, pulling him under.

A couple hours later, he jerks awake. Sucking in deep breaths, he reaches out for Kate. And upon finding her side of the bed cold, he sits up and looks around the room. When he doesn't spot her and can tell that the ensuite is dark, he pushes the covers back and gets up. Finding the door to his office open, he goes in there. Looking around, he notices a figure curled in on itself, soft moans coming from it.

Walking over to the couch, he sits down on the cushion. Brushing the hair back, he finds Kate caught in the clutches of a dream. With the light for outside his office, he can see the dried tracks from her tears. Sighing, he closes his eyes. She had cried herself to sleep and he hadn't heard, hadn't been there to comfort her, hold her and to tell her everything would be okay between them. He knew it was petty, not talking to her, keeping his touch from her. He knew he should've spoken up when she came into their room. Pulling the covers back, he slips his arms under her and lifts her. Carrying her into their room, he settles her down on her side of the bed before he gets in. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulls her back into his chest, cradling her against him, while gently whispering. "It's alright Kate. I'm here."

In a hidden office deep in the CIA, a phone rings. "Yes." A man answers the phone.

"I have a report?"

"Give it."

"I was able to finish the operation."

"Does she believe she's found the truth or should we worry about her continuing the investigation?"

"I will have to continue to monitor the situation to confirm that she's given up on the investigation."

"This has to be confirmed. Their situation is tenuous at best. If it's believed that they're compromised they will send other operatives to neutralize the situation."

"I understand the ramifications and I did stress those to her along with the fact that any consequences from any further action she takes will fall solely on her shoulders."

"And you believe she listened."

There's a pause. "I'm hoping she did. That's why I want to stay and monitor everything."

"Alright, keep me up to date, understood."

"Yes."

The call drops as Jackson sits back in his chair. After Paris and the blown op in New York, he decided to give up field work and solely monitor transmissions going from the CIA to other agencies and field agents. Being state side has allowed him to reconnect with his wife and allowed him to monitor his son's activities as well as those of his wife. This LockSat debacle is something the agency should've seen coming after Senator Bracken was arrested and subsequently convicted of murder and all the other crimes her was charged with. The man just wasn't smart enough to have planned everything he was tied to. Picking up the phone, he dials a number. After a couple rings, the line is picked up. "We need to meet."

"At the usual place?"

"No, here, come in the back door. I don't want you seen."

"I'll be there in an hour."

Jackson hangs up and settles back into his chair. An hour later, there's a tap on his door. "Come in." The door opens and a tall thin man in his late fifties or early sixties stands in the door way. "You look well for a dead man, Mr. Smith." Jackson says.

Mr. Smith doesn't reply. He simply enters the room and closes the door. "I wish to stay that way."

"You have work you need to do first. You're an interesting man, Mr. Smith and quite a wealthy one, extensive contacts through out the world in both business and politics in several countries." Jackson says, standing up and walking around his desk.

"Most of those contacts were my father's before me."

"Yes, but not the ones you cultivated in the early eighties." Jackson says, as the man goes pale. "You were contacted by a group of individuals that called themselves the Order. I believe now they call themselves LockSat."

"I was never tied to nor did I participate in any of their activities."

"That was only because of your association with a rookie cop by the name of Roy Ulysses Montgomery was discovered and you were dropped." Jackson says, as Mr. Smith looks away. "I think if that association hadn't've been discovered, you might've done some things that would be considered quite illegal."

"What do you want?"

"You still have your contact's information for the man that brought to LockSat. Don't try to deny it, I have your full background Mr. Smith, every thing that's ever been entered or detailed since the day you were born. You have the contact information. I want you to contact them. You're going undercover."

"How am I to do that? I'm dead."

"Oh the CIA can fix that. In fact, we already have." Jackson says, pushing a button on the monitor beside him. A screen comes down from the ceiling behind him. "As you can see, any information about your death has been wiped from every website and computer bank in the world. As of several months ago, you Mr. Smith came back to life in grand fashion. In fact, in a few days there will be articles in the New York and Washington Posts, The Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, LA Times, Dallas Morning News, The Seattle Times and the USA Today all detailing your miraculous survival and how it was all a huge misunderstanding. And once the stories run, well you know the new circle every news station and paper though out the world will know the story.

So you will contact you're man inside LockSat and you will get him to invite you to the next gathering of said members. You are going to be our inside man. You are going to help us bring down LockSat and end the threat to my son, his wife and their family." Jackson says, standing up and walking back around his desk. "You're going to do what you promised Roy Montgomery you would do." He says, sitting down behind his desk. Settling back in his chair, he stares coldly at the man that he feels half ass protected his son and family. "You can go." Mr. Smith stands there with his hand clinched at his sides. "I wouldn't, I have more experience than you do, Mr. Smith. Now run along and do as you're told." Mr. Smith marches out of Jackson's office, seething with rage.

Soft light filters through the closed blinds in their room. Rolling to his back, Rick blinks slowly as he comes awake. He lays there for a moment before he's aware of someone watching him. Turning his head, he finds Kate laying beside him and completely awake. Neither one speak as they watch each other until Kate sighs and reaches up to run her hand across his cheek, feeling the rough scratch of his stubble against her fingers. "Are you hungry?" Rick asks, moving back and sitting up. Stretching before he pushes the covers back.

"Rick, we have to talk." Kate says, sitting up and watching him as he turns to her.

"I think you need a shower and we both need coffee." He says, avoiding her gaze.

"We have to talk. If we don't how are we going to move past this? I fucked up. I know that."

"Yeah, you fucked up Kate." He says, staring at her.

"So how do I fix it?" She asks quietly.

"I need coffee." He says, turning away from her and walking over to the door leading to his office. Opening the door, he leaves Kate sitting where she is, watching him walk out on her.

She doesn't miss the irony of what he's just done. Pushing the covers back, she gets up and slowly walks into the bathroom. Rick is in the kitchen when the water comes on from their bedroom. Closing his eyes, he swallows the lump that's in his throat. "You know punishing her won't fix this." Martha says, as she comes down the stairs.

"Mother." He replies quietly as he goes about fixing himself and Kate coffee. "I thought you were going to the Hamptons."

"I am. I only stayed the night because it was so late when you both returned. She told me what happened." Martha says, as she walks into the kitchen. She begins preparing the kettle for a cup of tea. "Have you talked to her at all, let her explain why she…."

"We talked at Dr. Burke's. We both have appointments to see him individually."

"You need to see him as a couple as well. Darling, she's you're wife. I understand that she hurt you by leaving. But she had her reasons. Reasons that you need to listen to."

"Why am I the one that always has to listen? Why am I the one that always has to forgive? She walked out on me." Rick snaps. "After everything we've been through together and everything we've done together and all the things that have happened to us, she walks out on me." He seethes.

"Is that really what you're upset about?" Martha asks, as Rick looks at her. "I'm willing to bet that there was a different outcome when you spoke with Dr. Burke. I'm willing to bet that after she told you why she walked out that you took her in your arms and you comforted her." Martha says, as the kettle whistles and she pours the hot water into her cup. "So why are you angry with her now? She came back to you. In fact, I would say she didn't completely leave you." She says, as he looks at her.

"She only stayed in the building because she didn't have any place else to go."

"Do you really believe that?" She asks, watching him. He's silent refusing to answer her. "Alright, I'm going to the Hamptons." Martha says, relenting. "But let me give you some advice. You've been married thrice kiddo. Meredith's actions weren't your fault and the marriage to Gina was good in theory but theory never works with matters of the heart. You met Kate and you fought for her and it was a long and sometimes tedious battle but you won. So are you going to throw all that hard work and time away because she reacted as you know is her tendency to do."


	5. No Chapter Five

No

Chapter Five

Kate comes out of their bedroom dressed for the day. As she walks into the kitchen, Rick looks up. When she reaches the island, he reaches for the mug of coffee sitting beside him and hands it to her. "Thank you." She says before taking a sip. There's a soft smile on her lips when she sits the cup back down.

"When will you be home?" He asks, after taking a sip of his coffee.

"I'm not sure. I've got some work that I have to catch up on. Things I needed to do over the last couple days. Emails that I need to handle as well as reports for 1PP." She replies as he nods. She sighs when she catches the flash of distrust in his eyes. "I promise I won't look into it." She says. He nods again. She sighs again as she reaches out to him. "Rick, I'm not sure what happened last night between Dr. Burke's office and here, but I thought we were..." Her phone rings, interrupting her.

"That's probably the precinct and you have to go." He says. She looks at him while her phone continues to ring. "Go ahead, answer it." He says, getting up and turning away from her.

She watches him for a moment and then answers the phone. "Captain Castle." She says, as she watches his back stiffen. She closes her eyes for a moment before she focuses on the call. He pushes the thrill of her using his last name down. A few days before hearing that would've brought the hugest smile to his face. Now it reminds him of the battles they face and the hurt still festering inside him. He pushes those thoughts away and turns his attention back to Kate's conversation.

"Hey I heard that the last couple days have been rough, thought maybe you'd want to catch a bite to eat and decompress a little bit, or is Castle helping you do that." Lanie says. There's a long pause before Lanie says. "Kate."

"It has been a rough couple days, but can I take a rain check…."

"Go." Rick says, turning back to her.

"Lanie, can you hold on?" There's a pause before Kate lays the phone against her leg. "Rick, we..."

"Kate, I need to do some writing before Gina starts in on me for being behind on chapters. Go spend some time with Lanie and we'll talk tonight." He says, while she watches him. "I'll see you tonight." He says, turning away and walking into his office.

She watches him go. She doesn't come back to the phone until Rick's made it to his office and closed the door. Picking the phone up, she comes back on the line. "I can meet you." Kate says quietly, still staring at the closed office door. "Where?"

"Is everything..."

"I'll explain everything when we meet."

"Do you want to meet at Remy's or the coffee shop next to the precinct?" Lanie asks.

"Don't really feel like Remy's so the coffee shop but let's meet at the one by your office, okay."

"Sure, say forty five minutes?"

"That's fine." Kate says, hanging up. For several moments, she sits at the bar, staring and hoping he'll come back out. When it's obvious that he's not going to come back, she gets up. Walking around the island, she pours the coffee into her favorite to go mug and then walks over to the closet. Getting her coat out, she takes it with her as she goes to his office. She taps once on the door before she opens it slowly. "Rick, I'm going to meet Lanie." He simply nods. And for a moment, she stands in the door, silently debating on what else she should say. "I love you." She says, finally deciding on what her final words should be for the morning.

He looks at her and then quietly replies. "I love you too." Swallowing, she gives him a tentative smile before she turns and leaves him to work.

Lanie is waiting for Kate when she comes into the shop. This café is just a few doors down from the OCME building, but it's not one that she and Rick frequently visited. The café next to the precinct they go to all the time and while she would do whatever it took to get them back to how they were before the case, LockSat and her foolishly walking out on him, she couldn't deal with all the memories that morning. It was hard enough dealing with his distrust and the hurt she saw reflected back at her every time he looked at her this morning.

Looking around the café, Kate spots Lanie sitting at a small table in the back corner of the café. She weaves her way through the tables until she reaches Lanie as she looks up. "Wow, it really has been a rough couple days. I haven't seen you look this tired since your last all nighter before you and Rick got serious." Lanie say, as Kate pulls out the chair opposite her.

Kate sinks into the chair, putting her bag on the chair beside her. She takes a deep breath before she focuses on her best friend. "I suppose you're upset with me as well." Kate says.

"Why would I be upset with you?" Lanie asks. "Don't you want some coffee?" She asks, as Kate shakes her head no.

"I had a cup on the way over." Kate replies, to the coffee question.

"Okay, so are you going to answer the other question I asked? Why would I be upset with you?"

"Maybe I should get a cup." Kate says, moving to get up.

Kate, stop!" Lanie demands. Kate settles down but doesn't say anything else. For several seconds, both of them stare at each other. "Something else happened beside the case." Lanie concludes. Kate looks away.

"I did something so completely stupid."

"Well yeah, going to a meet without back up. That was stupid."

"No, this has nothing... well it has to do with... the case is the reason I..."

"Kate, you're not making sense." Lanie says, as Kate sighs.

"I think this time I've hurt him more than he's able to forgive me for." Kate says quietly, staring at the table.

"You mean, Rick. He's upset about the case and you lying to him about the meeting at 1PP."

"Well, I'm sure he's upset about that." Kate pauses for a moment before she continues. "It's more than that."

"What do you mean, it's more than that?"

Kate takes a deep breath and then looks Lanie in the eye. "You know how the case ended. We traced everything back to the attorney from the AG's office." Kate says, as Lanie nods.

"Javi gave me some details but not..."

"I know he tells you things about the cases." Kate says. Silence falls between them.

"You said you think you've hurt him more than he can forgive you this time. I'm assuming you mean Rick." Lanie says, as Kate nods once. "He's always forgiven you before and from what Javi told me, you didn't go out looking into this."

"I wouldn't say that's true." Kate says quietly.

"You mean you were investigating something and it brought those men after you. What could you possibly be investigat...?"

"This started with a search I did while I was at the AG's office." Kate says, interrupting her. Sighing, Kate looks out the window for a moment. She looks back at Lanie before she continues. "While I was at the AG's office, I did a search on Senator Bracken, looking for any other cases that ties back to the same MO that was used to kill my mom."

"Okay, I can't say I understand why that would make you think that Rick wouldn't forgive you this time. He had to know you would run a search on Bracken. I'd be surprised if he didn't even suggest it."

"He didn't. I did that on my own, but the search never turned up any hits, until the other day when Vikram contacted me and gave me the code for agents in serious… deadly crisis. That's what brought all this down on us. That search is what got my team from AG's office killed."

"Still not understanding why you think Rick's not going to forgive you." Lanie says, as Kate sighs again. "Would you quit the sighing and simply answer me?"

"After the case wrapped last night, we went home but before that I met someone."

"You did not cheat..."

"Lanie!"

"Okay so that was a stupid question."

"This someone is close to Rick, or would be, sort of, if he knew about her."

"Kate, you're not making sense and as much as I like the roles we play, with me pulling answers from you and you fighting to not give me those answers. Would you cut to the chase, here?"

"I met Rick's step mom, or at least she claims to be his step mom. There's no true way to confirm that without speaking with Rick's dad and..."

"And you don't know who he is, or do you?"

"It's sort of I could tell you but then I would have to kill you type of thing." Kate replies. "You wanted me to speed up this explanation as to why I'm not sure he's going to forgive me. Before we went home last night, I met with Rita, that's Rick's step mom. I met with her after we found out who LockSat is or was supposed to be."

"You don't buy the way the case was closed, do you?" Lanie says quietly. Kate doesn't reply but her face tells Lanie all she needs to know. "What did his step mother say?" Kate looks away. "Kate."

"She could tell that I didn't… She told me that if I continued to look into this that any more blood that's spilled is on me and she encouraged me to go home and live my life with my husband."

"You didn't... Kate, please tell me that you didn't leave him last night. Tell me that when I called you this morning you were with your husband and that you spent the night together and you did your best to reassure him that you were okay, please tell me that." Lanie says, watching her. Kate looks away. "Kate you left him! You actually walked out on him!" Lanie demands, her voice jumping two octaves.

"Technically, I left the apartment. I didn't..." Kate hedges.

"What the hell were you thinking!" Lanie demands, while staring at her.

"Lanie, you have to understand..."

"What I understand is that you have to be the most self destructive person I have ever met." Lanie stares at her. "I know you had issues when you met Castle. I have understood those issues for the past... well for as long as I've known you Kate. But he has stuck by you through thick and thin, through every evasive and self destructive thing you've ever done! He loves you!"

"I know that! I know he loves me. And I know how much hell we've been through."

"Most of which was because of you!"

"You're my friend Lanie."

"That's right I am, and it's my job to tell you that you've got your head stuck up your ass again. I told you that for years and I finally thought you were listening to me and then you go and pull this, what the hell Kate!"

"We're still together. I didn't... I couldn't leave the building." Kate says, looking down. "I was sitting in our room and all I could think about was that my team was dead because of a search that I did. That I was responsible for their deaths and we didn't really get... I couldn't leave it like that. The next thing I realized I was standing in front of the island with a bag in my hand as he looks up. I can still hear the tone of disbelief in his voice when he said my name. And I can't even remember exactly what I said to him, but he turned the stove off and came around the island. I remember him reaching for me and I pulled away. I remember him begging me not to go and saying how he didn't want Senator Bracken to know me better than he did, his wife. I told him I hoped that he would be able to forgive me after this was all over but that I had to go and I walked out." Kate looks up. Lanie is staring at her. "I made it as far as the lobby and then I realized I didn't really have any other place to go. I gave up my apartment. My dad, well I couldn't go to him either. It would put him endanger as much as Rick for what I was planning on doing. You, Javi and Kevin have your lives and it would endanger you too if I went to you. So I had no place to go. I could've got to a hotel, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Eduardo found me standing in the middle of the lobby. He could see that I was upset. I'd been crying and I didn't even realize it. He led me over to the security desk and he wanted to call Rick, but I wouldn't let him. Some how Rick figured out that I never left the building and he came downstairs around midnight. He had called Dr. Burke and persuaded him to meet us for an emergency session. He point blank told me in that session that if I continued this he wouldn't forgive me for walking out on him. We talked, a long talk and I really listened to him Lanie, and I had heard things he's said before about when I was shot and the years before we were together and how he felt but I don't think I've ever really heard him, heard him. Do want another coffee?" Kate asks. Lanie looks at her with surprise written across her face. "I need something to drink."

"Sure." Lanie says, as Kate nods. Getting up, she walks over to the bar and orders two more coffee's and bear claws for both of them.

A few minutes later she returns, handing Lanie her coffee and bear claw before she sits down. "I haven't had anything to eat... well for a while." Kate says, sitting back down.


	6. No Chapter Six

No

Chapter Six

"So you heard him." Lanie says, after sipping her coffee.

"Yes, I heard him. We talked about a lot of things with Dr. Burke and we both made appointments to see him again. But when we got home, Martha was there. I didn't even know she had come over. And she saw me with a bag, at first she thought it was about the case but we confirmed that it was over and then she teasingly assumed that Rick had done something to upset me, which upset him even further. But before that..." Kate pauses, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Lanie, he wouldn't touch me. He held the door for me when the cab arrived back at home, and the door to the lobby, he held that for me too, along with the door to the elevator both in the lobby and on our floor, as well as opening the door to the loft for me. But he never touched me and usually he puts his hand on my lower back when we walk up to the building and in the elevator, he's always touching me in some way. He usually helps me with my coat when we arrive home. He didn't do that. And then when we got home and found Martha there, he left me to explain everything to her."

"Well, did you think he should've been the one to tell her. You left him Kate."

"I know what I did. And it didn't even upset me that much that he left it to me to explain everything to Martha. I felt like it was my responsibility anyway. I just felt so cold without him there. After I explained everything and Martha went to bed, I didn't even know if he wanted me in our bed."

"Where was he?"

"In our bed, and I assume he was asleep. I don't know. He left me with Martha for a shower after he snapped at her about her comments about him doing something to upset me. Anyway, I brought my bag in and I put everything away. I didn't want him to wake up this morning and my bag still be packed. After I did that, I changed for bed and then I went to his office. And I laid down on the couch in there and I did something that I don't think I've done since before my mom died, not over a guy anyway. I actually cried myself to sleep."

"Is that were you woke up this morning?"

"No, I woke up in our bed but he wasn't there beside me, like usual. I got up and got dressed. When I came into the kitchen, he had my coffee waiting like usual and he asked me when I would be home tonight. I told him I didn't know that I had things I needed to catch up on from the last couple days. Things I missed doing because of the case, Captain things. He nodded but I know he doesn't quite believe me. We were talking when you called."

"You left him."

"He insisted that I go. He said he needed to write before Gina starts pressuring him for chapters and being behind. I seriously doubt he's going to get any writing done because he can't write when we're fighting. It messes with his creativity."

"Did you say anything to him?"

"No, not about the writing, I only told him that I was leaving and that I love him and he told me he loves me too and then I left. But after I broke down in Dr. Burke's office and the way he comforted me, I thought we would better, not perfect like we were before the case but better. And now it's like he doesn't trust me."

"That's because he doesn't Kate. You broke his trust when you walked out on him." Lanie says, her tone saying why you can't see that without me having to tell you.

"So what do I do?" Kate asks, her tone saying I'm not good at this.

"You're gonna have to find a way to convince him that you're completely committed to him and that you're going to treat him like he's your husband instead of a material witness in a case you're working..." Kate opens her mouth, but Lanie lifts one eyebrow. "He is your husband. He is there for you to rely on and yet you still think you are on your own when a crisis comes up. If you would've stopped and told him the truth after Vikram called you, this could've been avoided. But you think you have to be the one to fight all the battles alone, you don't anymore. That is what he is there for and while I am not an expert on all things Richard Castle. I do know this." Kate looks at her. "He wants to take care of you and you have to let him. You have to begin to include him, talk to him. You do that and while he might be hurt about your leaving, he is more hurt that you shut him out every time cases like this last one come up. And for Pete's sake, stop thinking you have to solve every case. Not every injustice is up to you solve or even fight for. You're not responsible for other people's actions. " Lanie looks at her. "You're not going to like what I'm going to say now. But that's what got your mother killed. She believed fighting for the little guy and every injustice was her responsibility and she ignored all the signs that her life was endanger and believe me Kate there were signs. With what happened, how could there not be. It is probably part of the reason your Dad fell into the bottle. And please don't misunderstand me Kate, you mother did not deserve to be murdered. You didn't deserve to loose her like you did and neither did your dad, but some of this lies at her door step. You have to truly learn to accept that." Lanie reaches out for Kate's hand. "It's going to be okay, but this is something you have to work on with Rick. I can't tell what you have to do to make it perfect again." She says, as Kate nods.

Kate eats the final bite of her bear claw before she asks. "Do you have to go in today?"

"No, Perlmutter is on this morning and then I'm on call tonight starting at six."

"I've got captainy things to do." Kate says after taking her last swallow of coffee.

"Captainy things?" Lanie says, lifting the one eyebrow again.

"I got it from Rick. It's from some sci-fi show that he's crazy about."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later." Lanie asks, as she and Kate both stand up.

"Of course." Kate says, reaching for her. They hug and Kate clings a little bit more than usual.

"It's going to be okay." Lanie says softly and Kate nods. They leave together less than a minute later.

Rick stares at his closed office door for long time after he heard the front door close behind her. There's a part of him, that wants to stay right by her side, every where she goes, all day long, all night long. He used the writing as an excuse, knowing he'll never be able to write today and probably not for a while to keep himself from doing exactly that. And really he still has about another month before Gina starts pushing for chapters. He sighs, thinking "God I hope this doesn't last for a month."

He sinks deeper into his chair. Letting his mind drift back to Dr. Burke's office, when she said his name and he heard the fear and the pain in her voice after she explained what she had been thinking before she left, he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her. And it's exactly what he did. But as he sat next to her in the cab all he could think about, was that he was letting her off the hook again. She cried a few tears and he let himself be pulled back into her orbit. Let her manipulate him into setting his anger aside to comfort her. What about him? He spent two days, well not quite that long but at least a day and half wondering what the hell was going on with his wife, and for most of that time wondering if she was even alive. If it hadn't've been for Alexis, his mother, and that new girl at the PI office, he wouldn't've figured out what the hell was going on and his wife sure as hell wasn't telling him anything.

Frustrated, he pushes himself up and begins to pace. Two days, she was out there alone with some low level agent she didn't even know because he had given her a distress code. Two days, he thought that perhaps their luck had finally reached what some might say was an inevitable conclusion with her dead and his daughter begging him to have faith in his wife. He did have faith in her, in them. He had faith when she wouldn't even admit there was anything there. He was tired of being the only one to have faith in them. He wanted her to show the kind of faith he's shown since this whole relationship started.

Okay, he was an ass when they first met, but she changed him. Why couldn't she do the same thing? Why couldn't she change for him. He thought that was what that whole year of waiting was about. She said she wanted to do the work and put in the time. That she wanted to be better for him. And then she walks out on him, leaves him to chase after some invisible person that she has no idea how to catch. Okay, he will admit that the case was wrapped up a little too neatly, but why did she take on the immediate responsibility of getting justice for a team she barely spent more than six months with. Especially since she was fired from that job for following her gut and doing what she knew was right. He's stopped pacing his office and finds himself standing at his window staring out on the city that they both love.

His head is pounding. His temper still running deep and he can't see a way around it. How are they supposes to get back to what they were before this all happened, if he can't let this anger go. She left him, but he's been left before. The difference was that he hadn't really cared when Gina left. He hurt when Meredith cheated on him but to be perfectly honest, that relationship only lasted as long as it did because Meredith was pregnant, without that, they would've ended that relationship quite quickly. Kyra broke his heart. She left him too but even that relationship didn't fit with the feelings he had, has for Kate. Reaching for his phone, he pulls up Dr. Burke's number and waits for him to answer.

"Dr. Burke's office." A young woman answers politely.

"Yes, this is Rick Castle. I had an emergency meeting with Dr. Burke last night. My wife and I actually did. Anyway, I have an appointment to see Dr. Burke again on my own in the next couple days, but I was wondering if there would be anyway I could see him sooner."

"Is this an emergency?" The young woman asks.

"Well, it's not a medical emergency. I don't want to harm myself or my wife if that's what you're asking. I simply need to speak with him before my scheduled appointment, if he has a free moment."

"Let me check his calendar, Mr. Castle. May I place you on a brief hold?"

"That's fine." Rick says, staring blankly out the window. He vaguely notices the elevator music playing in his ear while he waits for the young woman to check Dr. Burke's calendar. After a few moments, she comes back on the line. "Mr. Castle."

"Yes, I'm here." Rick says, pulling himself back from his thoughts.

"Would an appointment say around three be okay?"

"Does he have anything sooner than that?" Rick asks. He can't face the pressure building inside him.

"He has a thirty minute break coming up before his last appointment before he goes to lunch. I'm afraid that's all he has except for the three o'clock appointment until your regularly scheduled appointment in a couple days."

"Alright, I'll be at that thirty minute appointment." Rick says.

"I'll pencil you in for that appointment. It's at eleven thirty."

"I will be there." Rick says, turning away from the window. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mr. Castle. We will see you then."

"Yes, and thank you again." Rick hangs up as he settles back into his desk chair.

By ten o'clock Rick has left the loft. As he leaves he thinks about calling for a car but decides against it. He needs to walk. Maybe walking would allow him time to gather himself. By eleven he's walking into Dr. Burke's office. "May I help you?" The young woman from the phone asks.

"Yes. I have an appointment for eleven thirty with Dr. Burke."

"May I have your name please?" She asks, even though she recognizes him.

"Richard Castle." He says, as the young woman checks the calendar.

"Dr. Burke is finishing up with a client. He'll be with you in a moment."

"Thank you." Rick says before turning away from the desk. Looking around he decides to sit close to Dr. Burke's office door. In the corner opposite him, is a young man and Rick nods to him after he sits down. The man has his phone out but Rick doesn't think about it. It's not long before the door opens and Dr. Burke appears.

"Rick." He says, in a smooth, quiet tone. Rick stands as Dr. Burke steps back allowing him into the office.

As Dr. Burke closes his door, Rick says. "Thank you for seeing me so quickly."

"You're welcome." Dr. Burke replies, as he looks up. "Why don't you have a seat?" Dr. Burke says as he sits down in the chair he used the night before. There are several moments of silence before Dr. Burke says. "I thought you and Kate were settled when you left last night."

"I... We were, are." Rick says quietly. "But my imagination, it runs away from me. I can imagine the most terrible outcomes to the simplest problems. It really is a curse." Rick says, falling back on humor as a way of protecting himself.

"Rick, don't do that." For a bit, silence fills the room. "What has brought you here today?" Dr. Burke asks, settling back into his chair.

Rick pauses before he gets up and walks over to the windows. "I'm not sure how much help you can be." He says, staring out the window. "I have to accept her quirks. I knew about them before we married."

"Just because we knew about a persons quirks before we entered a relationship with them doesn't mean we shouldn't expect them to stop behavior that hurts or alienates us from the other person. Did Kate do something?"

Rick doesn't reply at first while he continues to stare out the window. He doesn't really see the crowded street below him or the cars and taxis trying to make their way through city traffic. "After we left last night, I continued to think about everything we discussed. The points I made, the points she made."

"Was there anything specific that you have a problem with?"

"My problem is mostly with me reaction to her after I told her about what I was feeling."

"What about your reaction upsets you?"

"I held her. It was like I was unable to hold onto the anger the moment she started crying."

"And you think that was the wrong reaction for you to have?"

"Why shouldn't I be angry? She left." Rick says, slightly defiant before turning away from the window and walking over to the chair across from Dr. Burke. He sits down again.


	7. No Chapter Seven

A/N Just updated some of the conversation between Rick and Dr. Burke in the last scene.

No

Chapter Seven

"As soon as she starts crying, I'm putty in her hands and I completely forget that she walked out on me. And the next time, the next case that comes up and it's tied to her mom's case or it reminds her of her mom's case she's off again and..."

"And what Rick?"

"She'll leave again, forgetting about us and the vows we made." He replies after several seconds. He swallows the lump in his throat, fighting his own tears.

"You don't believe her when she said she's leaving it alone."

Rick pauses for a moment before he answers. "No, I don't. I've seen her fall down the rabbit hole too many times. She can't help herself. Bracken was right. She has to be tilting at windmills. It's her obsession."

"And you didn't know that before this happened."

"I knew that she doesn't back down when she runs into a wall. That she's driven to find justice. What I don't understand is why she thinks she has to leave me out of it." He pauses. "In our vows, we promised to be partners in life and in crime." Rick swallows again. "But it's like I said, as soon as a case comes along that either is tied to her mom's case or reminds her of her mom's case she shuts down and she shuts me out. And I'm tired of fighting it. I've fought it for eight years."

"Do you still love her?"

Surprised, Rick looks at him. "Of course I still love her. That is never going to change."

"If that's so, then you have to accept everything about her."

"You said that I have the right to expect her to change. To expect her to stop doing things that hurts or alienates me. How am I supposes to accept everything about her and not expect her to change. How do I accept that I'm not enough for her to depend on?"

"Do you believe that, truly and honestly? Do you believe that she believes that you're not enough for her to depend on?"

Rick takes a moment to answer. "I thought I understood her. I know why she had her walls before, because of her mother's murder. I know how that event shaped her and her life."

"It did shape her and her life."

"But her life isn't about just that, not anymore. When we arrested Bracken that was supposes to end it all."

"Rick, I want to ask you something and I want you to think about it. When you came in this afternoon and I asked you what happened, you said that your imagination ran away from you. And you played it off like it was funny, why do you think that you do that?"

"I..." He pauses. "My imagination is an occupational hazard that I've learned to live with. I do imagine the worst outcomes when stressful situations come up."

"That may be true. You have a harder time of letting go of the things your imagination dreams up. But the point I'm trying to make is the humor you tried to put on it. You're a good looking, smart, successful, charming guy and your self deprecating as well. But you can be arrogant and a bit of a jackass sometimes."

"Kate's talked about me a lot in her sessions over the years." Rick quips.

"See, that right there. That's the point I'm trying to make. You use humor as a deflection when you're uncomfortable or unsure."

"What's your point, Dr. Burke?"

"My point is this, just as you use your charm and self deprecating humor to deflect attention, Kate has coping mechanisms to handle stress."

"I know, she builds walls and compartmentalizes everything."

"It's more than building walls and compartmentalizing everything Rick. You and Kate are similar and you're different. I'm willing to bet that deep down it hurt that you never knew your father growing up but you let your imagination convince you that your father could be anything. You feel the need to have stability around you all the time, because you didn't have it as a child growing. Kate did, she had that. She had both of her parents."

"And I still have mine."

"Yes, you do. But what you need to understand is that the walls Kate built after her mother's murder, didn't come from that one event. She's always been strong. She has always had the foundation there. The walls came when she lost that foundation. When her mom was murder, she was coming out of that stage where she rebelled against her parents rules. She was discovering that pretending not to care didn't really fit with how she felt. She was coming into herself and finding her place outside the dynamic of being Jim and Johanna's daughter. Then her mom was killed."

"And that's enough to make someone distrustful. I get that."

"It is, it's enough to make someone put up walls, but then add in the fact that the only remaining parent she had left at the time, fell deep into a bottle of alcohol. She went from having a very firm foundation to nothing and she had absolutely no clue as to who she was yet. That is one set of issues she has. Add in the fact that the people that were tasked with finding out who was responsible for her mother's death, pushed it aside like it was a piece of used trash thrown into a gutter and forgotten."

"So, you're saying that I have to accept the fact that she's never going to truly trust in me."

"No, I'm saying that there are deep reasons for the way Kate looks at the world. What you must do is accept the fact that you will never be able to change that outlook, only she can do that. You also have to accept the fact that while you're angry with her, there is nothing wrong with empathizing with her when she's hurting."

"I understand that. But why does she cling to this obsession to chase every tiny scrap of explanation that pertains to anything associated with her mother's case." He pauses. "I'm not asking my questions very well, which is ironic since I write…."

"Rick."

He sighs. "When Bracken was arrested, I thought it's over. We don't have her mother's case hanging over us anymore. And then she decided to set for the captain's exam. It seemed like our lives were settling into being just about us."

"And this new case and her reaction to it, have thrown a monkey wrench in to your plans."

"They're not just my plans. She..."

"She what?"

"She wants them too. But this case came along and she grabbed onto it and she pushed me aside. Why can't she see that there's a line and her involvement only goes so far. She's convinced that there's someone or a group of someone's out there still working behind the scene, pulling the strings." Rick pauses. "She ran a search. Just as she's run countless other searches while running an investigation. So why does she believe everything is her fault and it's her responsibility to make it right? Why does she have to be the one to find all the answers?"

"Why can't she simply accept that a spade is a spade, and apple is an apple, let it go and go on."

"Yes exactly. I know she doesn't give up and I admired that but it's clear that the people behind LockSat are trained well above her level of training. She has to know that with the group of mercenaries they sent to kill her and Vikram. And you can't compare the training for the NYPD to the training given to a CIA agent. Even the training she received at the AG's office doesn't match to the training given to convert operators, military intelligent officers and Special Forces officers. Kate's strong, but she's not at that level and yet she went straight at who ever it is behind LockSat and she did it with a low level tech agent and that's it."

"She didn't bring her partner in."

"Exactly." He pauses for a moment before he continues. "There was a time back when we were first partner's, she was contacted by the detective that investigated her mom's case. She told him that I was someone she trusted when he demanded to know why she had brought a cop with her to their meet. What changed between then and now?"

"Why do you think it has changed, between then and now?"

"She went to a met without back up. Without telling even the boys, what was going on."

"Why do you think that is?"

He's quiet for a moment before he replies. "Because we fell in love and she wants to protect me."

"That's right, when she took you to that meet with the Detective Ragland back then you were simply her work partner. She trusted you with her life then, but neither of you had given each other your hearts. And I believe she trusts you even more now then she ever has." There are several seconds of silence.

"But now we both have more to loose." Rick says quietly. He looks out the window before he looks back at Dr. Burke. "I simply want to protect and take care of her and I can't do that if she won't let me."

"Why do you think she's not letting you take care and protect her?" Dr. Burke asks as Rick looks at him. His expression says everything. "I'm not excusing Kate for leaving you. But I don't think she did it to hurt you."

"How could she think it wouldn't hurt me? I gave my life to her, for eight years I've followed her into every situation you can imagine. I've been there. I gave my heart to her, long before she would admit that she even liked me, let alone she wanted me to be her partner in everything."

"Is that really true?" Dr. Burke asks.

"Okay, I was her partner before she would admit that she liked me. But still I keep giving and giving and I feel like…."

"You feel like what?"

"I feel like I'm doing all the work, all the sacrifice has come from my end."

"And what about when you were missing? She worked on your disappearance long after everyone suggested that you simply left because you didn't want to commit to one woman. That you got spooked. She never accepted that Rick."

"How do you know that?"

"I was the one person she told everything to, every thought, every feeling, every fear, all the moments of happiness that she felt those two months you were gone, and the guilt she felt for feeling happy while you were gone. She told me everything."

Rick's quiet for several seconds before he says. "You're saying that I shouldn't be upset that she left last night, that I should be a little more understanding."

"No, I'm saying that I don't think you should doubt her commitment to you."

"How can I not doubt her commitment to me? She walked out."

"Yes she did. But there has to be a balancing act for both of you. You need to let her pursue things when she questions their validity..."

""She's free to…."

"Let me finish, please. She needs to know when to take a step back and simply accept that some times and some things don't fall to her to figure out."

"How do we do that?"

"You simply do it." Dr. Burke says, as Rick looks at him, as he smirks slightly. "I know that's not a very scholarly, but it's the simplest way to solve this issue. And for Pete's sake you both have to learn to talk to each other."

"You think Kate does these things because I don't tell her what I'm feeling."

"Do you tell her?"

"I tell her I love her everyday."

"That's good, keep doing that. But when she does something that makes you feel like she's shutting you out, do you tell her?"

"I..." He pauses for a moment. "No, I don't. I usually let her off the hook because I don't want to push her away. I'm afraid that if I tell her to stop that she'll leave."

"Why is that?"

"Because she's done it before, before Montgomery was killed I begged her to stop investigating her mom's murder and she said we were over. When Cole Maddox came after her, I begged her again and she pushed me away. And there are countless other times that didn't have to do with her Mom's case, opportunities that were there and she pushed her feelings down."

"Was she the only one to do that?"

"Yes."

"She was the only one that always ran away."

"Yes." Rick says, as Dr. Burke looks at him.

"You left her standing in the precinct while you walked away with your arm around your ex wife. Why did you do that?"

"She was dating someone else. I wasn't going to stick around and watch her date another man."

"And she knew exactly how you felt?"

"Well maybe… I didn't come right out and tell her what I was feeling at that time."

"And when you did actually come out and tell her, what happened?"

"She lied to me, told me she didn't remember her shooting or what I said to her that day."

"And you can't understand why she did that?"

"It sounds like you're making excuses for her."

"That's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to show you that running away isn't only on Kate's part. You've both kept your feelings from each other, why is that? You are a confident guy. When it comes to your work, you know what you want and you go after it. You have no problem telling your daughter or your mother what you think or feel but with Kate you're right the opposite. The image you portrayed on page six for all those years is the only image she had of you." Rick opens his mouth but Dr. Burke holds up his hand. "I know she brought out the man you are today."

"She changed me."

"She did, she changed you. You stopped going from woman to woman, party to party. But you never learned how to talk to her or about your feelings. There are times when you have to simply stand up and demand that someone listen to you. You're able to do that when Kate's life is in danger. But in the day to day, it fails you and you let her pull you along because you're afraid of what?"

Rick looks at him. "I'm afraid of loosing her." He pauses and then says. "And maybe I'm not quite sure I deserve her. She's... there are no words strong enough to describe how I feel when I'm with her. Extraordinary doesn't even cover my feelings."

"It overwhelms you."

"Yes."

"Have you ever thought about telling her that?"

"No, but I think she knows that by now without me telling her."

"Maybe, maybe not, but that isn't what I'm trying to get you to understand. What I want you to see is that because you don't believe you're worthy of her you hide behind the walls you've constructed to protect yourself. And there's no communication when situations like this one come up. You have to learn to take the chance and tell her when you feel like she's ignoring your feelings. Now you have to learn to trust that she will listen to you. You can't expect her to always follow what you believe is right. She's a person too and she has her own feelings, agendas, beliefs and problems. You're not always going to agree. She's going to protect herself, just as you are. That's where understanding and love come into play. And please don't think that I believe that the only issues are on your side, she has issues to. But you both have to learn to work together." Dr, Burke says, glancing at his clock. "I'm sorry to do this. But it's time for my next appointment.  
"Oh of course." Rick says, looking at the clock as well. "I've taken up your lunch hour, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Rick, I'm here to help you as much as I can." Dr. Burke says, as Rick stands up.

"Thank you." Rick says, holding out his hand. He turns for the door with Dr. Burke following behind him.

"We'll see each other at your next appointment." Dr. Burke says, as Richard turns to face him.

"Yes, of course and thank you." Rick says, holding out his hand again. They shake hands before Rick leaves.


	8. No Chapter Eight

A/N: Okay, so I didn't get as many reviews on the last chapters I posted, but I wanted to thank all of you that did review, follow and favorite me and this story. I would like your opinion on whether I should continue this after this chapter. I sort of feel like I've reached a place where this story could end, but I might be able to carry it on too, so I want your opinion on that an this chapter. Again, thanks again for the fav's, follows and reviews. I look forward to hearing from ya'll.

No

Chapter Eight

After leaving Dr. Burke's office, Rick considers what do. Should he trust her, or should he go to the station. He's walking towards the subway when his phone rings. Pulling it out of his pocket, he sees that it's Alexis. Answering the call, he tries to sound as happy as he can. "Hi pumpkin." He says, and as much as he tries to cover up his anger she catches it.

"Is Kate alright?"

"I am assuming she's fine." Rick says, stopping next to the steps leading into the subway.

"Are you sure? The case is over right?" Rick looks across the street before he lets a soft sigh out. "Dad, is Kate still in trouble with that case?" When he doesn't reply, she demands. "Dad?"

"There may have been some more developments after we closed the case." Rick says, leaning against the building behind him.

"I thought it was over. The case is closed. The woman from the AG's office was behind it all. That's what Vikram…."

"When did you speak with Vikram?" Rick demands.

"He called the office this morning. He was looking for Kate."

"He called my office looking for Kate, why?"

"I don't know. He said that they were supposes to meet up this morning, but she didn't show. Is the case not over?"

"I need to go Pumpkin."

"Dad!" Alexis says, but he's already hung up the phone.

Changing his mind about the subway, he steps over to the curb and hails a cab. A few cabs later, he finally gets one to stop for him. Getting inside, he says. "Twelfth precinct, and there's a good tip for you if you can get me there within thirty minutes." Rick says, as he closes the door. Twenty minutes later, the cab pulls up in front of the twelfth precinct. Rick hands him a couple hundred dollars and then gets out of the cab.

Kate is in her office, she's going over memos from the meetings she missed these past couple days. "Where is he?" Rick demands as he walks into her office. Not bothering to knock.

"Rick, what…?"

"Where is he? And when did you see him. Did you even listen to me last night? Was that even Lanie on the phone this morning or...?"

"What are you talking about and where is who?"

"Vikram." Rick spits out, staring at her.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him today. I met Lanie and then I've been here, busy with catching up on the work I missed these last couple days." She glances out of her window towards the bullpen and Ryan and Esposito's desk. "And it looks like the boys have caught a case. So he's likely helping them with that? Why are you upset?"

"Why is he calling my office, interrogating Alexis to find out where you are?" Richard demands.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to him since the case was settled last night." She says, getting up and walking around her desk. "Rick." She says, walking up to him. She feels him tense and she sighs. "Look I know I messed up last night. I know you don't trust me anymore, but I'm not looking into LockSat anymore. I heard you last night." She says, stepping closer.

"You say that now." Rick says, looking at her. "Just tell your boy, to stop harassing Alexis." He says, turning to go.

"Rick, please." She says, as he reaches for the door.

"I'll see you later." He says, opening the door and leaving her standing in her office.

She stands in the middle of her office, watching as Castle walks away. Lowering her head, she swallows a few times, fighting back tears. After several moments, she walks back around her desk and sits down. Staring at her computer, she doesn't see the report she was working on before Rick came in. It's a couple of taps on her door that brings her back to the precinct. "Captain, we've got a couple leads to follow up on from the canvas." Espo says.

"Okay." Kate says, trying to force appearing like she's there.

"Captain, are you okay?" Espo asks.

"Yeah, sure. Let me know if anything comes from those leads." She says, looking him in the eye.

"Alright, we'll touch base if we find anything."

"That will be fine." Kate says. Espo looks at her one more time before he turns to leave.

Kate turns her attention back to the report she was staring at before Espo interrupted. Another few minutes pass before she realizes that she hasn't done anything productive since before Castle came to her office. She sits back again. A minute later, she reaches for the phone and dials the extension for the tech department. "Twelfth precinct, IT department."

"Hey Tori, it's… Captain Beckett."

"Yes ma'am, something wrong?"

"No, I'm just curious is Vikram around?"

"Umm, I think he's helping with Espo and Ryan's case, why?"

"Can you give him a message?"

"Sure."

"Tell him to meet me at this address. 2321 W 168th St. I'll be waiting."

"Yes ma'am." Tori replies. Kate hangs up.

Picking up her phone, she calls Rick's PI office. A couple rings later. "Hello, Richard Castle Investigations." Alexis says.

"Alexis, its Kate."

"Hello." Alexis says, and she can hear the disapproval in her voice.

"I know you're upset…."

"Upset with you, you left him for two days with no idea what was going on."

"It's com..."

"Don't tell me it's complicated Kate. You've used that excuse too many times." Alexis says. Kate sighs, realizing she's right.

"You're right, but I want to, need to make up for it. Have you talked to your Dad since you spoke to him about Vikram?"

"No, I haven't. And I didn't even get to finish that conversation with him."

"I know. Do you know what he has planned for today?"

"No, shouldn't you know that." Alexis asks.

"I… we're sort of… it's a long story but I need to talk to him, so I'll try him on his cell, thank you." Kate says, she's hedging her bets hoping Alexis will let it go at that.

"What happened?" Alexis demands.

Sighing, Kate looks out into the bullpen. Seeing Ryan and Espo at their desks again. "Listen, I will be more than happy to explain everything to you, but right now I have something I have to work out with your Dad. And I'll take whatever you have to give me, just give me time to work this out with him, please."

"Alright." Alexis says.

"Thank you." Kate hangs up and then goes to text Rick but changes her mind. Getting up, she gathers up the papers she was working on before he showed up and leaves her office. She goes over to Espo's and Ryan's desk. "Guys." She says, walking up. They look up from the financial records they're looking over. "I'm leaving for the day. I've got some personal business to settle. You can text me with updates on the case, okay."

"Sure boss, everything okay?" Espo asks.

"It will be." She says, before she turns to leave. Pushing the button for the elevator, she pulls her phone from the pocket of her coat and pulls up Castle's contact as the elevator dings and she steps out of the way for departing detectives. Once the elevator is clear, she steps on and presses the button for the ground floor. As the doors close, she begins her text. "Rick, I know you're angry at me. You have every right to be. But please meet me at this address."

Since he left the precinct, Rick's been wandering around the streets of New York City. Not really paying attention to the people around him, which is usually one of his favorite activities. Today, he doesn't care what's going on in other peoples lives. He's focused solely on his life. He's several blocks from the precinct when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it from his pocket, he glances at the screen and realizes that it's a text from Kate. He sighs, some part of him what's to ignore it and focus on the pain inside him, but then he remembers Dr. Burke's words. "For Pete's sake, start talking to each other. She has to learn that not everything rest on her shoulders to explain or investigate." Sighing he opens the message. He has to read it twice before he puts his phone away. Why would she want him to meet her at an address that far uptown? Walking over to the curb, he hails a cab. When one stops a few moments later, he gets in. "I need to go to 2321 W 168th. There's an extra fifty if you can get me there quickly." Rick says, closing the door before he settles back into the seat. Ignoring the cabby, he stares out the window lost in his own thoughts.

It didn't take Kate long to reach the warehouse where she and Vikram had set up their small command center. Parking around the corner, she gets out and looks around, noticing the deserted street. This is a great place for an ambush. Not a lot of people around and very little police presence in the area either, which is probably why the warehouse was used as a strip club to front the drug ring running in the back room that NYPD had busted not even three weeks ago. They had chosen well when she suggested this place for them to work on LockSat without drawing attention to themselves at the precinct.

She walks up the side door and tests the handle. It doesn't budge. She looks around and then notices a small red box, designed to fade into the brick that made up the building. Typing in a series of numbers and she hears the door unlock. She slowly opens the door, holding her breath as if she expects someone to jump out at her. It's ridiculous she knows but it's her reaction. Before she enters the building, she pulls her gun from her holster. She stops for a moment, giving her eyes time to adjust to the dimness around her.

It's the standard nightclub. Along one wall is a bar, surrounding a floor to ceiling mirror behind a series of empty shelves. The mirror reflects the stage that's across from it. A section of the stage sticks out into the middle of a dance floor. In the center is a floor to ceiling pole. This bar/club holds none of the class and culture that is the Old Haunt. Kate looks around. With it being one the day after the case has closed and that Vikram is working with Espo and Ryan on their case, this warehouse hasn't changed since Vice and Gang's raided it. Only one booth even remote looks like a command center and only that holds a couple of laptops. There's not even a murder board setup here and no phone line. The utilities haven't been cut yet either, but that was likely to change soon, without contact from her to the utility company.

It takes the cabby at least thirty minutes to get Rick to the address he'd been given. As the pull up, Rick looks around. He soon spots Kate's cruiser parked in front of a boarded up warehouse. Sighing, he pulls his wallet out and hands the money for the ride plus a generous tip through the window before he opens the door and gets out. The cab pulls away as soon as Rick closes the door. Again, he looks around before he cautiously approaches Kate's cruiser. He glances inside, but she's not there. He turns towards the warehouse. Looking for a door, he finds the door that Kate used to enter the building a short time before him. Reaching for the door handle, he pauses for a moment before he tries the handle and the door opens. Opening the door, he steps inside. Pausing, just as Kate did to let his eyes adjust to the dim lighting. Once he can see, he realizes that he's in one of the seedier strip clubs Manhattan has to offer. He looks around until he spots Kate a few feet in front of him standing next to a booth.

On the table are two laptop computers. He slowly walks towards her. When he reaches her, she looks up. "What's going on Kate?"

"I wanted you to see this?" She says, looking at the table behind them.

"What am I seeing?"

"This is our operation."

"You were going to look for LockSat with two laptop computers, in an abandoned strip club."

"It's not abandoned per say. Vice and Gangs raided this place several days back. It's not even on the NYPD books as being seized property. It's boarded up, but the previous owners did that."

"What's your point Kate?" Rick asks, as the door opens again and he swings around. She sees him stiffen when he recognizes Vikram.

The door closed behind Vikram as Rick turns to her, demanding. "What is he doing here?"

"I asked you both to come here." Kate says, stepping around Rick as Vikram walks up.

"Kate, where were you this morning? We were supposes to meet to discuss our next move..."

"And when she didn't show you decided to call my daughter to harass her about Kate's whereabouts." Rick steps up to Vikram, pulling himself up to his full height. Rick's size and height clearly overshadow the other man. "As far as I am concerned, you are the reason I almost lost my wife." Rick spits out.

Kate steps around them. Standing beside them, she reaches in to touch Rick's chest. She can feel his heart pounding while she watches his nostrils flare with suppressed rage. "Rick, you're angry at me not...  
"No, I mean yes. I'm angry at you. But I'm infuriated with him. He almost got you killed by dragging you into this LockSat mess."

"I didn't drag her..."

"Vikram, be quiet." She orders as she looks at both men. "I want you both to listen to me. The last two days were as much my fault as there were his. The catalyst was your phone call to me." Kate says, looking at Vikram. "But the choices after that call were all mine." She turns to Rick. "I should've told you want was going on the moment I hung up from his call." Kate says, looking at Rick. "I'm sorry I didn't. I'm even more sorry that I've broken your trust in me. I want to get that back and I hope this is the first step." She turns to Vikram. "Our investigation is finished."

"But Kate LockSat..."

"It's finished, Vikram. I am no longer involved. What you choose to do on your own is up to you, but I have nothing more to do with this. You need to understand this, if you do continue to pursue this, you do at your own risk. You do not having the backing of the NYPD, CIA, AG or any other agency. And you do not have my backing. I'm walking away to live my life with my husband, my family and my friends. I started this quest to find justice for my mother. I did that and that is all that I need. If LockSat wants to come after me..." She shrugs her shoulders. "But I don't think he/she will. As long as I'm not looking into the matter, and I won't be." She says, looking at Rick. "I won't be." She replies, hoping he'll finally believe her. Turning she walks over to the booth. Picking up, one of the laptops she unplugs it and then closes the screen. Sitting it on the floor, she looks at both men before she lifts her foot and smashes it down on top of the computer, over and over again. Taking the other laptop, she repeats the process.

When she bends over, Rick walks over to her before she can open the laptops again. "I get your point, Beckett." He says softly.

She looks at him and then nods. "I want him to get my point." She says. Bending over, she opens both laptops and slams her foot down several times on each computer, effective rendering each one useless. "This investigation is over. Do you understand that?" Kate asks, when she's finished and turns to Vikram.

He's staring at her. "You know that whomever LockSat is, they will come after you. You're only option is to continue..."

"My only option is to live my life with my husband, my family and my friends. And as I said, if you continue this. You do it on your own. You have no backup." She looks at him for a moment. "I suggest you let it go."

Rick looks at him. "And if you ever contact my daughter again, harassing her as to my wife's whereabouts. We will have a rather lengthy conversation." Rick steps closer to him. "Man to man." He says quietly. He watches Vikram swallow.

"One more thing, tomorrow morning this club will be listed as seized property of the NYPD. If you're caught entering, you will be arrested for trespassing and entering a crime scene without authorization. Is that understood?" Kate says, looking at him.

"Yes ma'am." He says, looking at them both.

"I think it's time we go." Kate says, looking at Rick. Nodding, he lays his hand on her back, gently guiding her to door.


	9. No Chapter Nine

No

Chapter Nine

The ride back to the loft is different from the cab ride they had early that morning. As soon as Kate pulls away from the warehouse, Rick reaches for her hand. When they reach the end of the block, Kate glances at him. She squeezes his hand gently. It takes about forty five minutes for them to reach the loft. He waits for her at the back of her cruiser. When she's beside him, he slips his arm around her, pulling her into his side as they walk towards the elevator. He pushes the button for her. He only releases her when the doors open. She pushes the button for their floor and then she moves in beside him and he puts his arm back around her. She looks up, watching him for a moment before she leans up slightly and lightly kisses his jaw. He looks down and smiles. "I know we still have some things to talk about." She says, as he nods. "But, I'm glad you came to the warehouse." He pulls her closer to him. Silence falls until the elevator dings and the doors slide open to their floor. He lets her go before him. Following her down the hall, he feels for the first time like he did before the previous two days.

She stops at the door as he reaches for his keys and unlocks the door. Opening the door for her, he follows into the loft. He's closing the door behind them when Alexis comes out of the kitchen. "Dad, Kate, what's going?" She demands.

"Alexis, hi pumpkin." He says, as he moves to help Kate with her coat.

"Hi, what's going on?" She demands again.

"Nothing's going on." Rick replies, taking his coat off. "Why would you…?'

"I called Alexis before I sent you the text to come to the warehouse." Kate says, moving towards the kitchen. Rick follows her, with Alexis following both of them.

"And she hinted that things aren't going well between the two of you. She wanted to know what you were doing today. Why would she ask me that and not you?" Alexis asks, looking at her father.

"Maybe we can discuss this while we start an early dinner." Kate asks.

"I actually have plans for tonight." Alexis says. "What's going on?"

Sighing, Kate goes to the island while Rick goes to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. Turning, he offers it to Kate. She takes it and he gets himself another one. "I think the living room would be better, more comfortable." He says, as Kate nods. She turns for the living room while Alexis stands there for a moment before she follows them into the living room. Once everyone is settled, she says. "So is one of you going to tell me what's going on?"

Sighing again, Kate looks at Rick. "I suppose that since I started this. I should be the one to explain what happened." Alexis looks at her while Rick slips his hand into hers. "So you know about the case involving my old AG team."

Alexis nods. "But I thought that case was closed. You found the person behind..."

"We found evidence pointing to someone being behind it..." Kate says.

"You mean you're still investigating a closed case! You have evidence…."

"I'm not investigating the case. That's why I wanted to find out what your father was doing." Kate says, swallowing. She's not sure how to start this. It was easier with Martha. She had seen the bag with them when they came home this morning. Now she has nothing to prompt Alexis's questions. "After the case wrapped up last night, I spoke with a woman that helped keep me alive and away from the people trying to kill me." Kate pauses to nibble on her bottom lip. "While we were talking she could tell that I didn't accept the evidence showing that our suspect was responsible for this whole operation. She tried to warn me to step away and focus on your dad, our life, our family and our friends."

"But?" Alexis asks, watching Kate intently.

"When she realized that I wasn't going to stop, she told me that any lives lost now would be on my hands." Kate pauses because she hadn't told Dr. Burke this the night before. "But I wasn't listening. In my eyes, I already had lives on my hands." She glances at Castle. "I felt like I was responsible for the deaths of my former team."

"So, you're still investigating but doing it together?" Alexis asks, trying to figure this out on her own.

"No, there's no way I would bring your father into this." Rick stiffens beside her, but she squeezes his hand subtly. "I wouldn't bring your father into this because I couldn't do that to you and I couldn't live if he was in danger either. I was going to continue investigating, but I was doing it on my own without your father." Kate pauses for a drink. "The only way I could continue was if..." She looks away from Alexis. "…we weren't together anymore."

"What!" She stares at them. "What the hell do you mean if you weren't together anymore?" Kate swallows and looks at Alexis. She can see anger in her eyes but behind that, she's disappointed.

"After we came home last night, your Dad was fixing dinner while I went to take a bath and maybe relax a little bit. My muscles relaxed in that bath but my mind never shut down. I kept thinking about the fact that my team was killed because I did a searches looking for similar MO's to my mother's death and ties to Senator Bracken. Those searches never yielded anything for me while I was in DC, but I still feel responsible." She looks at Rick. "Anyway, I decided that I was going to continue investigating, but I couldn't risk your father, you, Martha, my dad, or my friends at the twelfth. The only solution I could see at the time was to leave." Kate finally says

Alexis stares at her. "Wait, what?" She pauses again. "Let me get this right, you feel responsible for the deaths of your team from the AG's office. You don't believe that the person you told was responsible really is so you decide to continue investigating, but you decided that the only way you could do that was leave my father. A man that's stood behind you through more things than any of us can really count. He waited for more than four years before you ever let him be with you. He stood by you when you decided that you wanted to go to DC. He's pulled you out of more dangerous situations than any other cop you've worked with, including Kevin and Javi. You left him for months after you were shot. He didn't hear one word from you and when you returned, he came back to be your partner and you still made him wait, while you lied to him about remembering your shooting. When you finally allow him to be a part of your life you promised that you only wanted him. That you loved him, partners in life and in crime. That was your wedding vows and you were prepared to walk away, with no explanation! What in the f-ing hell were you thinking Kate!"

"Alexis!" Rick says.

"No, Rick. She's right." Kate says quietly.

Rick opens his mouth to say something but Alexis interrupts him. "So, why are you here that is if you left, why are you here?"

"After I walked out of the loft, I realized that I really didn't have any other place to go. I didn't want to go to my apartment. I couldn't to go to any of you because the whole reason I left was to protect you and I couldn't go to a hotel. I could've gone to the warehouse, but..."

"Warehouse, what warehouse?"

"The only other person that was involved with this, that I felt like I could contact and work with was Vikram. He was the catalyst to everything. He found the flags on my searches and he passed them on to McCord to investigate. He was the person on the other end of the line when the distress call came through. In the course of the case, there was a warehouse that's been seized by the NYPD for running drugs. It was actually a strip club, but the property hadn't been listed yet as seized by the NYPD, so the former owners are still in control of the property. It was a great place for us to work out of. It's where we decided to base our operation. I didn't think about all this before I walked out. And by the time I did I had already reached the lobby. When I realized that I didn't have any place to go, I had broken down. Eduardo found me standing in the middle of the lobby, crying my eyes out. All I could tell him was that your father was okay, but that he couldn't call up here to tell him I was still in the lobby. Even though, I couldn't physically leave the building, I couldn't let the case go either. I couldn't beg him to let me come home." She says, looking down at their clasped hands.

Alexis looks at her Dad. He reads the question in her eyes. "I used the Find My Iphone app, which told me that Kate was downstairs. And then I called Dr. Burke and he fit in an emergency session."

"So everything is fine since Kate spoke with her therapist?"

"No, I mean yes we're still together but it wasn't just Kate that spoke with Dr. Burke. I was in the session too." Rick says.

"We talked things out and I listened to your Dad." Kate pauses. "It's probably the first time I really heard what he was saying about my reactions to anything pertaining to my Mom's case." Alexis looks at her. "I know he's told me many, many times and I heard him."

"So what's different this time? If you've heard him all the other times he's told you that it kills him to watch you wall yourself away and yet you do it time and time again."

Kate doesn't immediately answer. When she looks up, she sees two people looking at her and awaiting her answer. "I know this isn't a popular answer, but I don't know what changed. Maybe I was at rock bottom. I don't know. Maybe those few hours I spent in the lobby, knowing that I didn't have your Dad to turn to made me actually listen to him. But please hear me, I did hear you." Kate says, looking at Rick.

He squeezes her hand. "I know you did."

"So, you're not investigating anymore?" Alexis asks.

"Yes, I'm not." Kate replies, turning her attention to her.

"Then why did Vikram call Dad's office looking for you?"

"We were supposes to meet this morning and I never contacted him to let him know that we were stopping the investigation. I'm assuming that's why he called your Dad's office looking for me instead of my cell phone." Kate says, looking perplexed for a moment.

Alexis draws her back. "You called to see what Dad was doing today. If things were settled when you spoke to Dr. Burke, why didn't you know what Dad was doing?"

"Things were settled enough that we came back home, but..."

Rick takes her hand before he says. "I kept her at arms length after we left Dr. Burke's office this morning." He looks at her. "I'm sorry about..."

"Shhh, Rick. I understand." She says, squeezing the hand she's holding.

Alexis watches them for a moment before she says. "So, what made you change your mind?" She asks, looking at her Dad.

"The warehouse." He replies, and she looks at him confused. "Kate sent me a message asking me to meet her at a warehouse in Washington Heights. I'll admit I was skeptical, especially since I had just left the precinct after I confronted her about Vikram calling the office and she couldn't tell me why he would do that. She was waiting when I arrived and then a few moments later, Vikram showed up too. I'll admit the last person I wanted to see was him, and I confronted him about harassing you about Kate's whereabouts. I went a little protective Daddy on him."

"Dad." Alexis says, rolling her eyes while he smiles.

"Anyway, Kate got between us and then she proceeded to tell Vikram that the investigation was over. That she was out and that if he decided to continue, then he would be completely on his own, without backup from the NYPD or any federal agency. And then she smashed the two laptops that were there. And I mean she demolished them. If Vikram decides to continue the investigation, he'll be starting from scratch."

"You don't think he'll continue." Alexis says, looking at her Dad.

Rick pauses. "No, no I don't think he will. He doesn't have the backbone to investigate something like this on his own."

Alexis is quiet for a few moments before she looks at Kate. "I'm not happy about what you did, but I am relieved to see that things are settling back into normal." She glances at her watch. "And I really need to go or I'm going to be late." Alexis says, moving to get up.

Releasing Kate's hand, Rick stands up and Kate follows behind him. "You wouldn't feel like telling..." Kate pokes him in the side.

Alexis smiles. "I'm meeting a friend for dinner. "I'll see you both later." She says as she walks to the front door. Before she opens the door, Rick pulls her into a hug while Kate holds her bag.

When Rick releases her, Kate steps forward and hugs her again. Kate holds on a little longer before she releases her. Rick opens the door for her and then steps back letting her leave. When the doors close on the elevator, he closes the door to the loft. He finds Kate standing beside him and he can't quite read what she's thinking. "I think that went well." He says, as she looks up

"She's disappointed in me." Kate says, nibbling on her bottom lip.

He reaches for her and pulls her into his arms, hugging her. "She is, but it will fade with time."

She pulls back and looks up. "Will it fade for you too?"

He leans in, laying his forehead against hers. "In time, yes."

"I'm sorry I..."

"I know and I've forgiven you for leaving. Now how about some dinner? I haven't really eaten today?" She pulls back, looking at him. "I haven't been hungry."

She releases him, pushing him towards his office. "Go look at the things you ignored today and I'll fix us..."

"Don't cook, just call for something." He says, turning back to her. "I want to spend the rest of the night holding you, if you want."

"You can hold me all night long." She says, as he walks back to her and tugs her to him, kissing her.

After a moment, he pulls back. "I missed you last night."

"Did you…?"

"Yes, I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't beside me so I went looking and found you on my office couch. And I could see that you had cried yourself to sleep. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" He sighs and then looks away from a moment. "Rick?"

"After you broke down in Dr. Burke's office and I was holding you I'm pretty sure you thought we were going to be okay. And then I sort of pushed you away when we left his office. I was punishing you, by refusing to touch you like I usually do. Anyway, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I hurt you last night and I'll tell you I'm sorry for the rest of our lives, if that's what..." She says, as he shakes his head no.

"I don't want you to serve penance for this. You made a mistake."

"I did." She says. She pauses for a moment before she asks. "Can I ask you something?"

"Okay."

"You're right, I did think we would be okay after I broke down in Burke's office. What changed after we left?"

He sighs before he answers her. "When we entered the elevator and we were riding down, I began thinking about the next time. What would happen? Even if the next case doesn't have anything to do with your Mom's case, or Bracken. What happens when there's another case that you can't let go of. I mean what if something happened to me, or Alexis, my mother, your father, or Lanie or the boys. Where would it end? You're a grown woman as was your mom, but she put her quest for justice before herself and her family and Kate you do the same thing. And the more I thought about that the more I needed to pull away. I can not loose you Kate and when you go down a rabbit hole, you loose yourself. And what happens when we have kids?" She looks down and sighs. "I'm not saying this to upset you. I..."

"No, you're right. I loose myself just like my mom did." Kate says, looking back up and then she takes his hand. Looking him in the eye, she says. "I need you to pull me back, Rick. I know I'm stubborn, but I need you to pull me back."

He looks at her. "I will." There's a moment of silence before he says. "I feel like pizza, okay?"

"Sounds good." She says, smiling.

He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. When he's finished, he walks into the kitchen. Kate follows him. "Let's open a bottle of wine and relax, okay."

"Yeah, but something that's simple, I don't… I mean." She looks at him with a blush.

Smiling he reaches out and caresses her cheek. "I know. We can, but I want to simply hold you tonight. Why don't you go get comfortable and I'll wait for the pizza and then I'll change after it gets here, okay?"

"Sounds good." Smiling, she leaves the kitchen. When she reaches the bedroom, she checks her phone and finds a text from Espo telling her that he and Ryan were able to close the case that afternoon. Putting her phone down, she goes to the bathroom. After the last three days, it's certainly a soak in the bath kind of night, but honestly the best thing for her is to be wrapped up in Rick's arms so she elects for a shower. By the time she's finished, Rick is there. "The pizza is here?" She asks while drying her hair with a towel.

"Yes, let me get a quick shower and I'll join you."

"Good." She says, leaning up to kiss him quickly before she goes to the closet to dress and then into the kitchen to get glasses for the wine. Carrying the pizza box over to the coffee table, she settles back to wait on him. Within fifteen minutes, he's back in the living room. "Did you even wash?" She asks, while he settles in beside her after reaching for a piece of pizza.

"Yes, I washed." He answers after taking a bite and swallowing. She smiles as she looks at him, watching him relax beside her and she can't help be think this is how it was supposes to be last night. He catches the flash of pain in her eyes. "What?"

"I was just thinking that this is how last night was supposes to be before I..."

"Don't dwell on it Kate."

"How do I not? I broke your heart last night and I broke your trust in me too."

"You hurt it, you didn't break it." He says. She looks at him. "I didn't stop trusting you Kate. And my heart isn't broken. It's bruised but not broken because I never accepted that you had left. That's why I used the app. That's why I called Burke and I came downstairs to get you. Deep down I knew you weren't leaving me."

"It seemed like you didn't trust me this morning."

"I doubted you this morning and mostly because I was sort angry at myself."

"Why were you angry at yourself?"

"Because, I always want to make things better for you and sometimes it's to the point that I give up on things that I need." He puts his slice of pizza down and reaches for her hand. "I went to another emergency session with Dr. Burke after you left this morning. I needed to talk about how I feel like I sometimes let you lead me around."

"I don't understand what you mean?"

He pauses. "Here's an example, I heard you tell that bombing suspect that you remembered everything from your shooting. And what did I do, I ran to my mother and I went to the memorial for the bombing victims. And then, I went back to being my old jackass self, pushing you away. What I should've done was stayed at the precinct and when you left that room, I should've confronted you. It might've been messy but it was better than pushing you away for months. And the summer I took Gina to the Hamptons, I probably knew deep down that you were going to accept my invitation and I should've stayed and forced you to tell me what you pulled me out into the hallway to tell me. There are so many times that I've stepped back and I haven't pushed you or for what I felt at that time."

"Why?"

He looks across the living room for a moment and then says. "There are a lot of reasons. Before we got together I was mostly afraid of you kicking me completely out of your life and I couldn't deal with that. I was willing to keep what I had instead of fighting for what I wanted. And now that we're together, there's a part of me is still slightly amazed that you want me."

"Oh Rick, why wouldn't I want you." She says, sliding over beside him. "I know it took me a long time to let myself admit what you and everyone else saw. And when I did, I couldn't understand why you would want me, the way I am." He leans over to kiss her. "What else did Dr. Burke say, if you want to tell me?"

"He said a lot." He says with a smug grin. She laughs punching him in the arm. "Hey!" He exclaims rubbing his arm as he phone rings. He pulls it from his pocket and is surprised to see that his mother is calling. "It's my mother." He says, pushing the button to connect the call. "Hello, mother."

"Richard, darling. I'm so relieved that I reached you. I just had to call."

"Is everything alright. Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm fine, I've just been thinking about it all day. I haven't really been able to enjoy my visit out here because I can't get this off my mind."

"You can't get what off your mind."

"I owe you an apology. Yes, I do." Martha says, nodding her head even though Richard can't see her.

"Why would you owe me an apology Mother? Did you max out…?'

"I'm serious Richard." She replies sternly.

"Okay, then tell me what you're apologizing for?" Rick says, sounding appropriately chastised.

"Last night when you and Katherine returned to the loft. I automatically assumed that you had done something to upset her." She says, as Richard nods even though she can't see him. "I've been thinking about it all day, and I come to the realization that you were correct. I automatically assumed that the problem was because of something you had done and I'm sorry."

"It's understandable mother so your apology isn't..."

"Yes it is. It was needed and now you have it. Maybe I'll be able to rest tonight." She sighs.

"Then thank you for calling and enjoy your trip." He says with a slight smirk.

"Oh, I plan on. Madge is taking me to a new social club here. It's supposes to cater to eligible men of a certain age and marital status. I'm sure….'

"I don't need to know Mother. Just enjoy your trip."

"I will." Martha replies, sounding much happier.

"We'll see you in a few days then."

"Yes." After another good-bye, Rick hangs up.

"Why was she apologizing?"

"It seems because she felt guilt for assuming that I had done something to upset you and forcing you to leave."

"Does it make you feel better?" He looks at her. "I know it upset you last night when we returned and she assumed that the issue was because of something you had done." She says, looking at him. When he doesn't answer immediately, she says. "I was actually surprised she wasn't more upset with me. I know she's laid back, but my mom would've laid into you if the roles were reversed."

"She's mellowed as the years passed. Although she wasn't too mellow when I was kicked out of yet another school during my senior year. And it does help that she apologized."

"Good." She says, settling back into the couch while he reaches for another piece of pizza. "Would it make you feel any better to know that Lanie chewed me out this morning?"

"I'm not looking for you to feel punished Kate."

"I know, but she did. She let me have it after I explained exactly what happened. She made me realize that I needed to do something to convince you that I heard you and that I was through with the investigating. I didn't have any idea what I was going to do until you came to see me about Vikram calling Alexis."

"Speaking of that, you had a perplexed look on your face when we were talking about that while Alexis was here, why?"

"I realized that he called your office instead of my cell and I couldn't think of a reason why he would contact me that way. Why not call my office, if he didn't want to call my cell. Why did he think he would be able to reach me through you at your office?"

"Maybe he tried?"

"No, I didn't have any messages waiting on my phone when I came in this morning. And I didn't miss any calls on my cell either. I guess it really doesn't matter now. It's just that it struck me as strange when I realized that he called your office instead of either of those other two places."

"Maybe you should ask him?"

She pauses for a moment before she says. "No, it doesn't really matter why he called Alexis as long as he doesn't do it again. I'm not getting drawn back in. Are you finished?" She asks, nodding towards the empty pizza box.

He looks at the box and then back at her. With a slightly sheepish look, he nods. She smiles before she stands up. Picking up the box, she takes the box to the trash before she comes back. Settling in beside him, she lays her head on his chest when he lifts his arm and puts it around her shoulders. After a few moments, he asks. "Can I ask you something now?"

"Sure."

"Why did you sleep in my office last night?"

She snuggles in closer to him before she replies. "I wasn't sure you wanted in our bed. And I couldn't face climbing the stairs to the guest room. Plus, even if you didn't want me in our bed, I needed to be as close to you as possible, so that left your office couch.

"I sort of abandoned you last night after we got home."

"I didn't feel abandoned." She says, as he squeezes her shoulders. "I didn't. I'm the one that walked away. That left me to pick up the pieces and face what I had done."

After several minutes, he asks. "When did you unpack?"

"Last night, after I told Martha about everything. I didn't want you to wake up and my bag still be packed, so after Martha went up to bed. I changed and then I unpacked. I didn't really have a whole lot." She says, shrugging her shoulders. "Did Dr. Burke say anything else?"

"He said that we have to talk to each other, I told you that. And that we both have things to learn."

"Like what?" She asks, looking up.

"I need to learn to push for myself more. I need to learn to accept that I have you now and that I have the right to expect you to do some things different. He said that you have to learn to put things aside. It doesn't all fall to you. You're not a one woman team anymore."

"I'll work on it." She says, pulling back to look him in the eye.

"We'll both work on it." He pauses for a moment before he says. "I use humor as a deflection when I'm upset. I play the care less, care free guy when I'm actually hurting. I have to learn to let those feeling show, especially with you."

"I think you do that."

"You think that because you can see behind the front. I'm admitting this, I suppose for the first time." He pauses. "It hurt growing up and not knowing who my father was and never really having anyone to fill that place."

"Rick."

"No, it's okay. I need to admit it. I pretend that it didn't bother me. That I'm okay with it because my imagination allowed me to pretend that he was anyone and did anything, and it did. But those dreams didn't fill the void of being fatherless for most of my life."

"And now that you know who and what he is, how does it feel?"

"The answers are there now." He pauses and she moves in closer to her. "But now there are questions as to how a man can do what he did. I mean I have the best daughter. But when Meredith got pregnant, I was young and most certainly not ready to be a father, but I never once considered turning my back on her or our baby. Even given that Meredith is her mother and me walking away would've left her… I don't want to even consider what she would've turned out to be if Meredith raised her." He says shuddering. "He says his job means no connections, but how much of that is just something he tells himself to justify leaving us. I mean look at Shaw, she's an agent and she has a family."

"Shaw is FBI not CIA. There is a difference." He opens to say something but she lays her hand on his chest. "I may have a way to answer some of your questions." She says, as he looks at her. "Just before we connected, Vikram and I were hold up in another abandoned warehouse. Well at least I thought it was abandoned. And I guess I was tired or this wouldn't have ever happened. But we were at the warehouse and the last strike team came after us. I was in one room and my gun was in another and I had no way of getting to it without them seeing me, which would've gotten me killed. A woman showed up and of course I was suspicious but she told me she wasn't a part of the LockSat strike team. That she had been sent to help. She said her name was Rita."

"Okay, who sent her?"

"Your father, Jackson sent her to protect me and by extension you. She pulled us out of there and took us to a real safe house. The first place we'd been safe since it all started and it allowed us a chance to really rest and gather ourselves. The point is Jackson sent her. But there's more." She says, as he looks at her. "She's your step mom Rick. She's married to Jackson."

"Wait what! He's married, to someone else! Not that I thought he and Mother would… He's actually married. Does he have other kids?"

"I don't know. I didn't asked, but I don't think she sees him that much either."

"Why are you telling me this now? And who else have you told?"

"I've only told your Mom and Lanie, and that's only because we... well we were fighting and I didn't want to bring some thing else into this. I wasn't trying to hide this." She says, looking him in the eye.

He reaches up and lays his hand on her cheek. "I know."

She looks down before she tells him the next part. "I met with her just before we came home last night. After we found out the conclusion of this case. When she pulled us out of the warehouse, she advised that Vikram and I leave, go into hiding without telling anyone."

"Wait what?"

"I refused to leave you like that." She says, laying her hand on his chest before she continues. "She could tell that I didn't accept the way the case closed and she advised me to let it lay, to let someone else continue looking into it. But she quickly realized that I wasn't going to. She told me that from this point on, if any one ended up hurt or dead from me continuing to look into this case then that persons blood would be on my hands, alone."

He looks at her before he replies. "That's why you left. You couldn't accept how the case turned out but you didn't want my blood or the blood of those close to you on your hands."

"I didn't want you, Alexis, Martha, Lanie, Espo, Ryan, or my dad hurt because I continued to investigate. What I didn't think about how you would see it. I didn't think about the fact that I'm no longer alone."

"No, you're not."

"I need you to remind me of that, from time to time."

"I think I can do that." He says, leaning in to kiss her. After several seconds later, they part and he asks. "Are you ready for bed?" She leans in and kisses him again

Sitting up, he swings his legs around and slipping his arms around her knees. He lifts her as he stands up. Pulling away, she lays her hand on his shoulder, relaxing into him as he carries her into their room.

Unknown Location:

The phone rings and he picks it up. "Report?"

"It's clear now. She's stopped."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, we're free to investigate without watching two sides at one time. Any leads"

"A few minor ones."

She pauses before she says. "After this, can we…?"

"It's too..." He closes his eyes. "We'll discuss it, I promise." He says, swallowing once before he opens his eyes.  
"Take care." Rita says, hanging up. She looks down at the picture in her hand. It's their wedding picture.


	10. No Chapter Ten Epilogue

Epilogue: Six months later:

They enter the loft together. He helps her with the light jacket that she wore to their last appointment with Dr. Burke. They had made extensive progress since that night six months before. As he's hanging up his jacket, she walks over to the living room. He follows her, slipping his arms around her he pulls her back against him.

A surging waves rolls over her, but it's not the usual wave she feels when she's in her husband's arms. She closes her eyes, fighting the closing darkness. "I'm glad we're…." Rick pauses as he feels her lean against him. He waits a moment. "Kate." He says. She doesn't reply. "Kate, Come on." He pauses. "This isn't funny." He says, his voice rising with panic. "Kate." Bending his knees, he sweeps her up into his arms and her head rolls back. "Kate, come on baby." He demands, as Martha comes down the stairs.

"Richard, what's going on? Why are you yelling?" He hadn't really realized that he was until she points it out. "Is she okay?" She asks when she sees Kate in his arms.

"I don't know." He exclaims, in full panic now as he looks at Kate and then his mother.

Martha can see the panic rising in him. "Okay, take her over to the couch and…."

"No, we're going to the hospital." He says, his tone allowing for no argument. Nodding, Martha grabs the phone. "What are you doing?"

"Calling 911." She says, as he shakes his head no.

"Get my wallet, phone and Kate's keys. She brought her cruiser home tonight." He says as he walks over to the front door. "We'll take it." He says, as Martha grabs everything he said. She opens the door when she reaches him. He walks out and Martha closes the door behind them, taking a moment to lock it before she walks in front of him. Rick follows her to the elevator whispering. "It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay" in Kate's ear as he goes down the hall. He follows Martha onto the elevator. The doors close and Martha pushes the button for the private parking garage under their building. Once they reach the parking garage, Rick leads the way to Kate's cruiser. "Why don't you put her down in the back and…."

"I'm not letting her go and I need to be up front in case we need the lights or siren."

"Okay." Martha says, unlocking and opening the passenger door for him. Rick manages to get inside with Kate. Closing the door, Martha comes around the car and gets in. Starting the car, she backs out as Kate moans softly.

"Kate, baby." Rick says, reaching up to caress her face. "Come on baby, open your eyes for me."  
She blinks a couple times before she opens her eyes fully. "Where are we?" She mumbles.

"We're in your car." He answers quietly.

"Why?" She asks, moving her head around.

"Just hold still for me, you passed out." He says when she turns her head to look around.

While he's talking, she spots Martha behind the wheel. "You can drive." She blurts out rather dumbly.

"Yes." Martha says with a smile.

"Where are we going?" Kate asks, still looking around.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." Rick says, knowing what her reaction is going to be.

That brings her attention squarely on him. "The hospital, why?"

"I'm going to make sure you're okay?"

"I was a little dizzy, but I'm…."

"You're not fine Kate. You passed out in my arms. What if something is going on with you heart?"

"My heart is fine. You were with me when I went for my check up."

"That was about six months ago. Something could've changed." He says, his voice rising as panic sets in again.

She reaches up. "Rick, look at me." He looks down. "My heart is fine."

"You passed out!"

"And I haven't eaten anything today."

"Kate!"

"I was busy with reports, meetings at 1PP and getting briefed on our open cases."

"I know for a fact that they serve lunch at those meetings at 1PP meetings." He says, as she looks away.

"Kate?"

"I didn't feel like eating." She mumbles after a few seconds.

"Why?" Rick asks while he watches her.

"Why are we in the cruiser?" She asks, trying to distract him.

"I wanted to have the light or siren available if we got caught in traffic,"

"Rick, you don't have…."

"Why didn't you eat something at 1PP?" He asks, bringing the conversation to her latest reveal.

Sighing before she replies. "My stomach didn't feel right."

"Didn't feel right, like how?"

"I don't know. I didn't feel right so I skipped eating. That's probably why I passed out. So we don't…."

"We're going to the hospital." He says, cutting her off. "You've skipped how many meals in the years since I've known you and you've never passed out before. How long have you felt this way?" He asks, as she looks down. "Kate?"

"Off and on for about a week or so."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It was off and on so I, I didn't want to worry you."

"Kate." He sighs.

"What hospital are we going to?" She asks, turning her attention to Martha.

"New York Presbyterian in lower Manhattan." Martha replies

After a moment Kate says. "We don't need to go to the ER."

"Kate, we're going to…."

She reaches up and lays a finger against his mouth. "My doctor is a couple of streets over. She'll see me."

"It's after hours."

"It's Wednesday so she has extended hours today. She does it once a week. She'll see me." Kate says, feeling him relax.

Ten minutes later, they pull into a parking garage. It takes a couple levels for Martha to find a place to park. Pulling in, she turns the car off before Rick opens the door. While holding onto her hand, he helps Kate from the car. Once she's out of the car, he follows her as Martha gets out and comes around the car. He puts his arm around her waist and she looks at him. "Humor me, okay."

Sighing, she lets him help her to the elevator while Martha follows behind them. When they reach the building, Kate leads the way. It's only a matter of minutes once they reach the office before Kate's name is called. Kate stands up and is followed by Rick. She takes a step away as Rick turns to Martha. "Go, I'll be fine out here." Martha says, shooing him away to follow Kate and the nurse.

They follow the nurse down a short hallway to the exam room. The nurse follows them into the room. Kate climbs up onto the exam table while Rick takes the chair beside the table. The nurse settles in to taking Kate's vitals before she writes it all down in Kate's file. The nurse walks over to the door. With her hand on the door handle, she says. "Dr. Ashdown will be with you shortly."

"Thank you." Kate says, as Rick nods.

The nurse leaves while Rick and Kate both look around the room at the different posters depicting different stages of development for a baby and other medical charts. After several moments, Rick asks. "How long have you been seeing this doctor?"

"Umm, I've been coming to this office since I was fourteen. I've been seeing my current doctor for a couple years now." She says, as he looks at her.

"My mom's doctor was in this office. I was her patient until she retired a couple years back. Molly is the daughter of my original doctor. She took over the practice after her mom retired and moved to Florida, I think." Kate says, with shrug. He looks at her with a slight expression of surprise. "What?"

"I'm surprised you continued seeing the same doctor that your mom used after she was killed."

"I considered finding another doctor but to tell the truth at the time I didn't have the energy at the time and by the time I came back in again, things had begun to settle down." She says, as Rick nods.

"I noticed the plaque by the door and judging by the posters on the wall. She's not your primary care physician."

Kate looks at him and smiles. "No, she's not."

"So you have an idea about what's going on?"

"I think I do." Kate answers as the door opens and a lady a few years younger than Kate walks into the room.

"Well Kate, I didn't expect to see you until next year." Dr. Ashdown says.

"I know." Kate says, as Molly notices Rick. "Molly, this is my husband, Richard Castle."

"It's a pleasure, Mr. Castle. I love your books." Molly says, holding out her hand.

Rick takes it and they shake hands. "You too and thank you." He replies.

Nodding, Molly turns her attention to Kate. "So what brings you in at this hour?"

"I haven't been feeling that well…."

"She passed out about an hour ago." Rick says, as Kate glances at him.

"Is this the first time you've passed out?" Molly asks, looking at Kate.

"It's the first time I've actually lost consciousness." Kate replies.

"But other things have happened?" Molly says.

"Short bouts of dizziness, nausea around certain smells. I'm a little more tired at the end of the day."

"When was your last period?"

"I don't really know. The last one I clearly remember was sometime in December before Christmas." Kate pauses. "I've been busy with work and other things."

Molly lays here hand on her arm. "I'm going to have the nurse come in and draw some blood and then I'll do a short exam after she's finished. We'll have the lab run a pregnancy test as well as the usual thing." Molly says, as they both nod. "She'll be in, in a few moments to draw the blood and then we'll do the exam after she's finished." Again Rick and Kate both nod. A few moment later, the nurse returns to draw Kate's blood. Rick takes her hand as the nurse prepares to make the draw. Once she's finished she says. "I'll take to the lab and as soon as the results are back, Dr. Ashdown will be in to do an exam and then she'll come back to give you the results." The nurse says.

A few seconds after the nurse leave, Molly comes back in. Rick is sitting by Kate and he helps her to lie back. After a short exam, Molly rolls away while Rick helps Kate to sit up. "Okay, the lab is processing the blood test we took. When we get the results, I'll come back in."

"Thank you." Kate says. As soon as the door closes, Kate turns to Rick. "This is going to take a while and Martha has been waiting for a while now so maybe you could go see if she wants to go home."

"I'll go see." He says, standing up. He leans in and lightly kisses the side of her head. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Okay." She squeezes his hand as he pulls away. "Love you."

"I love you too and I'll be back." He leaves the room.

Martha is still sitting in the same chair, but the magazine she was looking has changed. She looks up when the door opens from the back room. Seeing Richard, she moves to get up, but he's there beside her before she can gather all her things. "No need to get up." Rick says, sitting down beside her.

"Is Katherine okay?"

"She's fine. We're waiting for the lab to run some tests. She thinks it might be a while before the results come in, so she suggested that maybe you would like to return home."

"I don't mind waiting."

"I know you don't mind waiting but I think you should go as well, Mother. I know you're concerned for her but we're both not sure how long this is going to take. You can take the cruiser back to the loft or we can." Rick says, as Martha looks at him.

"You really think it's going to be a while?" She asks, watching him.

"I don't really know." He says, looking her in the eyes.

"And she's really okay. I mean she's still conscious and..."

"Mom, I promise if she was unconscious I would tell you. She's fine. She's seen the doctor and they've spoken for a few minutes. Her doctor has order some tests and the nurse just drew some blood before I came out here. She's okay as of right now." He says, watching her. "I know these chairs can't be comfortable. I think its best if you go home and we'll bring the cruiser back after we've gotten these results back and spoken with Kate's doctor."

She looks at him. "You'll come straight to the loft afterwards."

"Yes, we'll come home as soon as we find out exactly is going on."

"Okay, I'll have dinner waiting for…."

"Please order in?" He says, as she scowls at him for a moment. "We don't need food poi..."

"RichardEdgarAlexanderRodgersCastle."

"Alright, alright." He says, holding up one hand to placate her.

She looks at him and then goes about gathering up her things. He helps her get things together. Before she leaves, she looks at him. "You will come straight..."

"I promise, we'll come straight to the loft. We won't even stop for coffee."

"Alright, I'll take a cab back to the loft." She says, leaning up to kiss his cheek. He turns to walk her out but she lays her hand on his arm. "Go to Katherine. I'll be fine." She says, as he nods. He stands in the middle of the waiting room, watching as she leaves. Once the door closes he goes back to the door that he came through. The receptionist buzzes him in. He follows the path way back to Kate's room.

When he opens the door, Kate is laying back on the table with her eyes closes. "Kate." He says, rushing into the room. She opens her eyes as soon as she hears his voice. She looks at him as he comes over to the table and as she looks in his eyes she can see the residual panic.

"I'm fine. I was simply resting." She says, as she moves to sit up. She sways slightly and he reaches for her.

"Dizzy?" He asks, sitting down on the stool beside the table as she nods. "Do I need to get...?"

"No, it's passed. Did Martha go home?"

"Yes, she took a cab so we'll have the cruiser when we're all finished here." He says, taking her hand.

"I wasn't trying to hide anything from you." She says, gently stroking the back of his hand.

"You didn't tell me you were feeling different."

"It never lasted more than a few moments. And we've had a lot going on in the last six months."

He reaches for her hand. "I know." He sighs. "And maybe that's why I didn't notice..."

"No, Rick. The last six months wasn't your fault. We both know that." She reaches for his face, laying her hand against his cheek and he looks up. "I should've said something and I don't expect you to notice everything that goes on with me."

"I always have before." He's quiet for a moment. "I don't want this to be the point where we become complacent with each other."

"We promised each other to never be boring." She says, as he smiles.

"We did." He looks into her eyes. "But is this the point we'll look back on and say it's the point that we became complacent with each other."

She tugs gently, wanting him to stand. He looks at her for a moment before he gets up. He steps between her legs. She slips her arms around him. Hugging him as he draws her closes to him. "I don't think we're complacent about anything." She looks up. "We fought too hard to get back to what we were before LockSat." She says, as the door opens and Molly comes in.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" She asks, as Rick steps back.

"No, we're fine." Kate says, as Rick moves back to the chair and Molly takes the rolling stool she used before.

"Okay, so we ran a battery of tests and everything came back normal."

"So, why…?" Rick asks, as Kate lays a hand on his arm. "Sorry."

"As I said, we've ruled all the usual causes for losing consciousness, such as a concussion, except for one. But I believe you have a suspicion that you have an idea what caused this episode." She says, looking at Kate.

"I do. Am I..."

"According the results from one the test I had run, I can confirm that you are indeed pregnant." Molly says, while Rick and Kate stare at her.

Rick is the first to recover. "She's, she's pregnant!" He whispers, staring at Molly.

"Yes."

"Kate." He says, turning to her again.

"I'm pregnant." She whispers to him as tears well up in her eyes.

"Oh, baby. It's going to be fine." He says, getting up. He puts his arms around her and pulling her into his chest. She clings to him. "We're okay, everything is..."

"I know. These are happy tears." She says after pulling back. Keeping his arms around her, she turns to Molly. "How far along am I?"

"Judging from the level of hormones in your blood and the time frame you gave me for your last cycle, I would say around two months."

"Rick, at the cabin..."

"I know." He says, squeezing her a little tighter while Molly watches smiling.

After a few moments, Rick sits back down but he's still clinging to Kate's hand. "So, what do we do?" He asks, looking at Molly.

"Right now, sit back and any enjoy being pregnant. We'll use the exam that I did before as your base exam and go from there. I can perform an ultrasound if you want. It'll allow you to hear the baby's heartbeat and we'll give us a clearer picture of what's happening, but it's not..."

"We want the ultrasound." Kate says, as Molly smiles.

"Okay, I'll have the nurse bring in the machine and we'll get it setup. Do you have any questions for me?"

"What about her heart?" Rick asks.

"I've looked over the records that Kate left with me a few months ago. I don't anticipate any undue stress being put on her heart because of the pregnancy but we will monitor it and if she has any issues, then she should certainly go to the ER or her cardiologist. Kate you are healthy and in very good physical shape. I don't want you to worry about this." Molly says, looking at Kate. "We'll keep a close watch for any complications developing because of the gunshot, but I don't anticipate any." Molly says, looking at Kate. She nods. "Now, I'm going to give the usual admonishments. For the next seven months you're going to have to eliminate or at least significantly reduce your caffeine intake. Of course from now on you should avoid all alcohol. After the ultrasound, I'll give several pamphlets for you to for you to read as well as a list of food that you should avoid as well. I'll also write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. You'll need to also increase your dairy intake as well." She says, as Kate and Rick both nod. "Alright, I'm going to get my nurse to come back in. We'll do the ultrasound and then you can go. You will need to schedule another appointment before you go. I want to see you every four weeks until we get closer to your due date."

"When is her due date?" Rick asks.

"I would say around sometime in late October."

"Kate, a Halloween baby!" He looks at her with that little boy grin that she can't resist. She leans over and kisses him.

Before they get too carried away, Molly speaks up. "Let's get the ultrasound setup and then you can go celebrate." She says, getting up as Rick pulls away. Kate nods with a smile.

Not even five minutes later, the nurse comes back in. She smiles as she enters the room. "I heard that congratulations are in order so let me be the first to congratulate you both."

"Thank you." The both reply.

"If you'll lie back and lift your shirt. I'll get the machine setup and we'll start when Dr. Ashdown comes back in."

Rick once again helps her lie back, he's holding her hand. Lifting it to his lips, he kisses the back of it as Molly walks into the room. "Is everything ready?"

"Yes." The nurse replies.

Pulling the rolling stool over to the machine, she takes a tube of gel and opens it. "I have to warn you this might feel a little bit cold." She says, before she squeezes some onto Kate's stomach.

Kate takes a deep breath and Rick squeezes her hand. "It's fine. But she wasn't kidding that's cold."

"Sorry about that." Molly says, smiling. Reaching for the transducer, she presses it against Kate's stomach moving it around until she's able to find the baby. Both Rick and Kate are staring at the screen and they both suck in a breath when she finds the baby. Kate squeezes his hand a little harder.

"I know." Rick mutters in her ear while he stares at the screen. "This is the first time I've ever seen an ultrasound being taken." He says, staring at the screen with rapt attention. Kate pulls her eyes away from the screen to stare at him when he says that. And finally after several moments, he looks at her. "What?"

"How can this be your first time seeing an ultrasound. You have Alexis."

"Meredith wouldn't let me come to any of her doctors appointments. She showed me the pictures afterwards, but I've never seen it while the test was being done."

For a moment blind fury rushes through Kate at the immaturity and self centeredness of his ex wife. She reaches up to touch his cheek to get his attention. He looks into her eyes and when she's sure she has his attention. "I'm not going to cut you out of anything, every appointment, test, back pain, massage, craving and delivery you will be there."

He leans in to kiss her. "Of course I will be."

"Do you want to hear the heart beat now?" Molly says, interrupting them.

"Yes." The both reply instantaneously. She smiles as she turns up the volume and the room is filled with the rapid and strong heart beat of their baby.

"Rick." Kate whispers, as tears fill her eyes again.

"I know." He whispers back with tears in his eyes. "I love you so much." He murmurs, leaning in to kiss her again.

Shortly after that, Molly takes the transducer away and moves to clean off Kate's stomach. "I'll have the pictures waiting at the front desk. You can get dressed and then you're free to go. "Remember to schedule another appointment for next month."

"Thank you." Kate says, as Rick helps her to sit up.

"You're welcome and congratulations." Molly replies as both Rick and Kate smile.

When Kate's dressed, Rick opens the door and holds it for her and then follows her out. His hand settles at the small of her back as they walk down the hall to the front desk. After making the next appointment, he follows her out of the office.

A/N: Okay so I know some of you wanted me to care this through. However I've decided that this is a good place to stop. There will likely be a sequel but it will jump a significant amount of time into the future. It will probably start at the moment of delivery and go from there, being as I've never been pregnant, I think it's best. I can't say how far in the future the sequel will be or what it will be about or title. We'll just have to wait and see, like me. I'm glad all of you have enjoyed this story and I've enjoyed hearing your thoughts. Until next time, happy reading... :)


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